The sun was just beginning to rise and I was still running bare foot through the streets. I was headed home. I just wanted to hide. And then I realized … all my things were back at the bar. My purse, my clothing, my phone, wallet… everything. How was I going to get into my apartment? I would have to get the landlord to let me in, but she wouldn’t be up for a couple hours so I stopped running and just began to walk. I felt so alone and depleted bare foot walking in the early morning with nothing but my thoughts for company.
Did I over-react? I hope I didn’t hurt him. He will never forgive me. He probably thinks I am crazy. Maybe, I am crazy? How could a perfect night end so horribly?? Right now, I will be just happy if we are still friends.
I was almost to my apartment when I noticed Piper waiting for me. She had my belongings. I hugged and thanked her. She asked if I was alright. I nodded. Did I hurt him? She waved that off. He got what he deserved. That is why women are smarter than men. Right! We can have an emotional reaction to something stupid that they say and they are still too stupid to know what they did wrong. Piper made complete sense. But should I maybe apologize? No. Just let him wonder. You really like him, don’t you? Ahhh, no! He is annoying. And besides, we are just friends. She smiled like she knew something and said good luck with that. She hugged me again and left.
I was tired, but I ended up taking a bath anyway just to relax and warm up. The weather was definitely getting cooler. I crawled into bed naked except for Jake’s tee shirt. I liked that. I liked his smell and it seemed to comfort me. Even though I was still upset with him. I wonder if he misses his shirt or even knows where it is.
My phone was ringing. I must have dozed off. It was Ivan. What did he want? Hello. Are you alright? Yes, I’m fine. It seems like everyone is asking me that. I heard what happened. Is there something going on between you and Jake? Did he hurt you? No and no. If you say the word, he is so fired! NO! Why did you slap him? Ivan, I was exhausted from all the work I put into the shoot and I had some champagne and it was the wee hours of the morning and he said something that hurt my feelings and I was emotional and just reacted. So, I slapped him and I am super sorry I did. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. Okay? Alright, and you are sure there is nothing going on between you two? Nothing, I promise. We are just friends. And when we fuck, he cannot remember doing it!!! I didn’t say that part. Ivan told me to get some rest and said goodbye.
Jake getting fired would be like the ultimate disaster! What the hell was I thinking??? I made up my mind. That was it. No more messing with Jake. I was just going to be professional and there was going to be nothing going on between us. Absolutely nothing. And I meant it. Like 100% nothing, nada, zippo to do with that annoying man with that irritating lock of hair that hung down his forehead. God, that felt good… as I sniffed his shirt.
A couple weeks later Ivan called with the details about the next shoot. Part of me was hoping he wouldn’t call. I didn’t know how or what I would say to Jake. Anyway, he said the shoot was going to be done in the rain. I hate rain. I didn’t want to do the shoot. I didn’t want to see … and I hate rain! Snow is okay. You can brush snow off. Rain soaks into your clothes and is cold. Be professional. Right. He said the next forecast for rain we would meet at the Mansion. He didn’t really care so much about our clothes, but did suggest bringing some extra clothing for after. Great. Sometimes you just have a bad feeling.
It was about a week later and rain was in the forecast. We all met at the Mansion. I didn’t say anything to Jake and only briefly acknowledged Piper and Josie. I was in miserable mood. I don’t like being in the rain. At all. And to top it all off, I felt like I was coming down with something. I was a little light headed. There was a van in the garage and we all piled in and set off for downtown. I could hear rain drops hitting the roof of the van. I don’t think anyone was happy. Jake said he would like to get 3 separate locations at different times of the day. Great. But he did add that he would try to make quick work so we would not be out too long. At least there was that.
It was a Sunday, so, the city was fairly quiet at this time. Jake chose a fountain shot first. I felt cold and wet even before I got out of the van. In actuality, the sun was still out even when the rain started. It didn’t offer much warmth. We posed like wet kittens as the rain fell on us. Or maybe, wet beavers. Although, I have no idea how a beaver would pose. We were soon soaked through. Jake said he was finished and asked if anyone wanted some nice hot cider. We all agreed. Anything hot. The cider warmed my chest as we drove around looking for another spot. What a miserable day.
A few hours later, frustrated, Jake found a city bench. The rain was falling heavier now. Ice cold rain coming down on our heads. I started sneezing at some point. My nose started to run, but I couldn’t really wipe it in the rain. No one was really talking that much and no one really wanted to be doing this. It was the worst shoot. Again, Jake took his pics. A job was a job. We hung in there. Jake offered to get us some hot lattes. Yes, anything! Now, we drove around again. Jake put the heat on high and the van was very warm. Even wet, it was still nice. So nice, no one wanted to get out.
The final stop Jake chose was a bus stop. There were trees all around it and even though the rain had slightly lessened we were still getting wet. It was so depressing. I was sneezing more. My head was starting to get hot even in the rain. I did not want to be there! Then these three guys came walking up and were like trying to hit on us or something. I mean my nose is running. I am … fucking wet! And miserable! I told the one guy off. I cannot remember what I said exactly. Something along the lines of Go Fuck Yourself! Then, the basterd pushed me and I fell backwards onto the ground and into a puddle of mud! He laughed at me. I was in shock. And then, Jake was there. He smashed the guy’s face! He literally, smashed the guy’s face with one punch! I mean smashed! Blood flew from his nose as he hit the ground! And then I was in Jake’s arms. I think I was crying. My nose was running too and I wiped my face on Jake’s shirt. It was the only thing available. Piper was next to us and said something about a fever. I hoped she was okay. My head was aching. Jake got us all back into the van and drove back to the Mansion. I was so happy to be out of the rain and yet I was so cold!!! I couldn’t really think.
I remember someone undressing me and running me a bath. Was it Jake? I was relieved to get my muddy, wet clothes off and climb into the warm nurturing water of the bath. I was still sneezing and I was still cold. But the water was nice. Someone helped me out of the tub, dried me off, and got me into some warm pajamas. I really had no clue exactly what was going on. The cold rainy shoot was like a million hours in the past. I was led downstairs and put on the sofa and then covered with a blanket. I swallowed a couple pills with water. I just sat like a zombie. Later, I think it was Jake, fed me some soup. It tasted really good. It warmed my chest. I think it was chicken noodle… I was speaking, I think. And then, I think Jake kissed me… no. That couldn’t have happened. But he did pick me up and carried me upstairs. I was still cold. He put me on the bed and then he was beside me like we were spoons. He put his arm around me and I felt his warm hand slip under my pajama top and caress my breasts. That felt nice. We were covered up cozy. I felt his heat. I needed that. I was so cold. My feet were like ice. I enjoyed his smell… his warmth… his hand on my tits. I closed my eyes.
I was in a park. Well, not really. It was like I was hovering over the park, but it seemed normal. There were these two people walking away from me. It was a man and a woman and they were holding hands. And she was wearing a backpack with a fishing rod… and she had a camera… strange. I just kept staring at them. And even though they were walking away from me the distance remained the same… like a photograph. But it wasn’t so much what they were doing, but this overwhelming impression of acceptance and happiness. And it was odd, but I felt happy for them… it was a feeling I don’t think I have ever felt. Peaceful acceptance. I liked this dream.
I woke up feeling … good. I could not for the life of me remember what I had dreamt. Just that it was positive, I think. Jake was gone. I knew we had slept together because I could still smell him. I must have been sick. In fact, I knew I was sick. I just couldn’t remember much more than that. On the nightstand I noticed a note. It was from Jake. It was written. He had nice writing. It was for me. He had never given me anything before. I have his shirt, but I stole that. He said there was still chicken noodle soup leftover and that I should have some more. And then he wrote I hope you are feeling better Sweetie, Jake. I felt my heart skip a beat. Boy, does he know how to slap! I tried not to, but I felt a tear run down my cheek. How can you go from the worst day of your life to one of the best days of your life???
I got out of bed and went downstairs and sure enough there was chicken noodle soup still on the stove. It wasn’t chicken noodle soup out of the can. Jake had actually made me chicken noodle soup from scratch. I had to have some. I warmed some in the microwave and it tasted soooo goooood! I felt good. After, and I don’t know why, I went back upstairs and crawled into bed. I could still smell him. I looked again at the note and ran my finger over Sweetie and then ran my finger over Jake. I don’t understand or recognize … what I am feeling. I am thinking about Jake smashing that guy’s face… and picking me up… and he made me soup… chicken noodle soup… and feeding me… and carrying me to bed… and his hand on my tits… and the note he had written for me… all the things he did for me… for me. I don’t know what it means.
I close my eyes… confused. I let my dreams take me away.
Badger Unfiltered 