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Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 18

What time is it? I weakly open my eyes. I am lying on my stomach. I don’t think I have even moved. I still cannot move. I blink my eyes trying to focus. I turn my head and see Piper and Josie sitting by the bed looking worried. The events come back to me. My bum hurts. Piper leans in. Are you okay? Yeah. Do you want us to call the police? For what? Well, he raped you. No, he didn’t. Although, it did hurt. It also felt really good. I have never experienced sex like that before. Piper said we were like animals fucking. Yeah, animal sex. How long have I been out? About 12 hours. I am still exhausted… and sore. Can you get me a couple painkillers? Josie leaves and comes back. They raise my head, because I am still so weak, and I take the medicine. They asked if I wanted them to stay and I said no, you can go. I will be fine. Just need to rest a bit more. And I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

It was late afternoon when I woke up again. I was still tired and weak and although, my muscles, and ass hurt, I was able to take a shower and get cleaned up. Even drying myself off was a major effort. I got dressed, called a cab and went home. It was all a blur. It wasn’t just physical exhaustion. I was also mentally depleted. I crawled into my own bed, closed my eyes and once again, I was out.

I woke up… again, and just stared at the ceiling. I was trying to process what had happened. Piper called it Animal Sex. I had heard of make-up sex, but since I was never in a relationship, I didn’t know what that was like. But Animal Sex? That was definitely the most primal unrestrained sex I have ever had. I realized that no one, or very few, could have ever had Animal Sex. I mean Jake doesn’t know what he is doing. He cannot remember having sex with me at all. I know if he did, he wouldn’t have done what he did and therefore no Animal Sex. Yes, I knew what was happening, but I was just as engaged and enraged and violent as he was. I slapped him twice and yelled at him and it literally released the beast… the animal within him. I will never slap him again. A part of me was a little frightened by him. What would he do next? Choke me? Or worse? And yet, part of me wanted to have that same Animal Sex with him. But … he wouldn’t remember. I want him to know and yet I don’t want him to know. I am confused and afraid. I don’t understand my feelings.

I was sore for almost a week. I had no sexual desires or impulses of any kind. It was like they had been ripped out leaving me ravaged by new thoughts. I had experienced sex on a level that I could only describe as the pinnacle of passion. I realized that my out of body experience had changed the way I thought of sex. It was no longer just a physical act. It was definitely spiritual. And Jake had given that to me. Opened my mind to new possibilities. I am a Spiritual Healer. I always believed that was just a fancy or more politically correct way of saying escort. Now, I wanted to connect with Jake emotionally. I knew that would leave me in a vulnerable position. I would have to become emotionally attached to him and not just physically. Did I even want that? And how? What if I failed to get through to him? I would be the one traumatized.

I decided I would have to interact with him in a way that was far more subtle. Something that he would enjoy doing, but at the same time it would have to be work related. Design a photo shoot. One that I was more involved in setting up. Now, where could that be? We already had a western cowboy themed shoot so that was out. I remember how stinky I was. Seems so crazy now. And it had absolutely no effect! Accept on maybe the animals at the ranch. What about a bar or saloon? It doesn’t have to be another western theme, but it has potential.

I called Ivan with my idea. And he loved it. He said the StarDreamers investors were just going over with him possible scenarios. He said that we could be in evening dresses photographed sitting at an old-style saloon or pub even. And it all developed from there. We both looked around the town and I discovered the Sensational Pub! It was perfect! Ivan loved it. We were both excited. And I felt anticipation that Jake would also really like it. Ivan worked with the owner and explained what he wanted and made the arrangements to come in after hours. I wanted it to be so perfect. And then I thought what about dogs. I have no idea how I came up with that, but again, I called Ivan and he said dogs, what is the point? They would be in the photos staring at us while we posed! Oh, now he understood. That would add a new dimension! He liked it and said he would get to work on the dogs. Later, he would call me back and said he worked out everything with the dogs and he also asked me, like as if this was MY project alone, about having a couple actors ignoring you while you posed with dogs looking at you. Yes! And they even have a poker room in the back so we could get some pictures there as well! Who would have realized I would have so much fun arranging a shoot? I couldn’t wait to work with Jake. He would be so impressed!

I met with Piper and Josie at the mall and I guess Ivan told them this was my project and I would pick out the evening dresses, and jewellery and shoes and fancy underwear, anything I wanted to make the saloon shoot a success. And did we go to town sparing nothing. We had our hair done. We had our nails done. We picked out fancy jewellery… that was on a loan basis that Ivan arranged. I don’t mind getting my hair done, but all the rest I would have preferred to … well, it just wasn’t me. But then, this wasn’t for me! It was for Jake. We even picked out some make-up. The things one must endure. I almost, and I repeat almost, shaved! But a line had to be drawn somewhere after all.

At the time, I didn’t exactly realize what “after hours” meant. It was going to take place in the wee hours of the morning. Which was okay because well, we really had no choice. I was so excited I arrived just as the pub was closing. I met the actors and the old man and the man playing the bartender were very professional. I met the dog trainers and their dogs and there were 3 types of dogs and I cannot remember what they were and I really didn’t care. They were just props. Piper and Josie showed up and we all got changed into our outfits. I was just sooooo excited!!!

Jake was the last to arrive and I literally flew to him in my white evening dress, high heeled shoes, red lipstick, bracelets, earrings, and necklace, and my white panties, although my white panties were covered… and okay, so I literally didn’t fly towards him. In fact, I strolled casually towards him or… I don’t know… I was just sooooo excited to see him! I pushed aside any thoughts of how annoying he was and tried to ignore that irritating lock of hair that hung down his forehead. I took his hand and introduced him to the actors and the trainers and the dogs, although I didn’t know their names, and I even re-introduced him to Piper and Josie! Just for fun. He was really impressed with the pub and the entire set up! I almost wet myself! He liked it! He liked what I had done! It takes a lot to be so creative and it was almost like a special present just for him and his camera.

And then we got to work. The DICE posed at the bar on leather stools and the dogs were lined up in front of us staring and the old man sat at the end of the bar ignoring and the fake bartender pretending to be cleaning glasses and I made suggestions on different poses and I would ask Jake what he thought about us just posing with our dresses hiked up to our waists while we bent over and the dogs looked on and he gave the thumbs up and I knew he was taking pics and he was clearly having fun and then we pulled our panties down to our knees and then we pulled them off and spread our legs while the old man continued to ignore us drinking his beer and the dogs had their tongues hanging out and then our dresses came off and we posed nude with nothing but our jewellery and high heels and Jake kept snapping pics and we were all having a lot of fun! The fake bartender poured us some champagne and we poured it onto ourselves and licked it off our bodies and the dogs were licking champagne off the floor and still Jake kept shooting. It was incredible! We then moved to the poker room and did some poses with the dogs in little gambling outfits. The idea being the DICE were naked because they lost at strip poker to some dogs! It was all in fun and the dogs, I have to admit were very well trained. Finally, we took some selfies with the others involved raising glasses in a cheer with the dogs at our feet. Of course, we put our dresses back on but no one seemed to mind.

Finally, it was over. I couldn’t believe how drained I was. I wanted to talk to Jake and get his thoughts! I hope he was proud of all my work. Everyone was getting packed up and ready to leave. I had to talk to him! And no, I didn’t fly over to him. I just walked over to him, still in my evening dress, and high heels, and red lipstick, and bracelets, and earrings, and necklace, and my white panties… although, I really tried to keep my thoughts off my panties. He was packing up his camera. Did you have fun tonight, Jake? It was amazing! It was so much fun. I mean the dogs and the old man patron. I cannot wait to see the pics. I then told him how I so wanted to be professional and involved in the shoot. I was talking to Jake! It felt so good!

And then he said it. You all did really good, kiddo. I just looked at him. I felt this boiling inside me! KIDDO??? He looked at me bewildered and said, what? I slapped him! I FUCKING SLAPPED THAT SON OF BITCH AS HARD AS I FUCKING COULD!!! I wanted to smash his face, but then I remembered the last time I slapped him and so I ran! I was out the pub door so fast. I heard the dogs howling and barking and hoped they were biting his nuts off! I ran! I didn’t know where I was running to… I just ran. Have you ever seen movies where women are running with high heels and they pause to take them off and continue running with bare feet? I always thought that was stupid. I kicked off my shoes and threw them away and continued running to where I didn’t know. I was upset and angry and he was a motherfucker and I was crying and I felt stupid and embarrassed… so I just ran.

Leave it to Beavers: Jake 19

Disturbed. Perturbed. In Suburbia. Disturbia…

Sitting on my couch still wondering what I did. Women! I thought we were friends. So, I called her kiddo? I was just being… like… friendly! I realize that I have not thought about wild beavers in the wild in awhile. I cannot wait to get focused on just that. I have Aurora’s white lace panties with the faint yellow stain in my hand and I bring it up to my face smelling its sweet scent. I almost feel guilty inhaling her aroma. But it still puts me at ease. Aurora. So strange.

The phone rings. It’s Ivan. We just finished the shoot a couple hours ago. What could he want? I feel a sense of dread. Hello. What happened? Ahhh, nothing really. I was told you upset Aurora and she slapped you. Is there something going on between you two? No! I mean, we’re just friends. That’s it. Did you call her kiddo? Yeah. Listen, Jake, you have done excellent work, but in all the time you have taken their photos you failed to realize they were WOMEN? Not KIDDOS? Umm, well, of course… I was just trying to be friendly. I have to tell you something Jake, Aurora set up that entire shoot. It was all her idea AND I got the distinct impression she did it for you. Are you sure there is nothing going on between you two?? Because I do NOT want Aurora upset. It was like all her idea? Yes! Wow. I guess she was just being nice. I am not going to mention this to the StarDreamers investors. They would be very upset. I spoke to Aurora and she said she was sorry she slapped you. She said she had been drinking champagne and it was very early in the morning and she just emotionally over-reacted. I thought she was drinking beer? Jake! Pay attention! Everything is worked out. Send me the photos when you get a chance. Should I like apologize? No! Don’t even mention it. I will call you later to arrange the next shoot.

I didn’t know she arranged the entire shoot. No wonder she was upset. And she did it for me? Everyone is saying don’t apologize. I want to apologize. I feel stupid. Do all women make you feel stupid? It must be something in their DNA. Man, she slapped me hard. Wicked, strange woman.

Over the next couple weeks, I did my best not to think about Aurora. Easier said than done. The more you try not to think about something, it seems the more you think about that something. That something being Aurora. I was dreading, somewhat dreading, the next shoot. I don’t know what I should say or how I should act. I just don’t know. She is my friend after all. Isn’t she?

Ivan called and said the photos were great. Some of the best so far. He didn’t mention the slap at all. I was relieved. Maybe he just wanted to get past it and maybe I should too. He said the investors wanted a photo shoot outdoors, but in the rain with the DICE wet. So, the weather was going to be the factor. Everyone would gather at the Mansion when there was a chance of rain. And so, the following week when rain was forecast, we did just that. Gathered at the Mansion. There were no hugs this time. The mood was somewhat tense. The ladies had different outfits on. Aurora was dressed in white jeans with a nice patterned top and black leather boots. Piper and Josie had skirts and blouses with high heels. Their clothing was not really important. It was the rain that mattered.

We set off in a van that morning heading for downtown. It was Sunday morning so the city was not that busy. It was sunny at first but the dark clouds soon moved in. You could feel the drop in temperature. And then the rain started. They first posed at a fountain and with the rain and the water from the fountain and there was still sun streaming down I captured some great shots. There was even a rainbow! The DICE were soon soaked and dripping wet. I thought it would be a good time to get some coffee and wait a few hours. Find another location as well. The ladies appreciated the idea although Aurora still seemed somewhat aloof. And she started to sneeze a bit. Our next location was a bench in the middle of the city. The rain was really coming down now and I really limited the amount of shots we took. They were cold and drenched. Hot Chocolate! They liked that idea as well and tried to warm up as much as they could. Aurora was sneezing more, but she said she was fine. I was a little concerned, but felt like I should just mind my own business. A few hours later, in the early evening, we found a bus stop as our last location. There were trees hanging over that were dripping with rainwater. Even though the rain had lessened, it was still coming down. As they posed, soaking and wet, three young men came walking up wondering what was going on. They were not interested in me and it soon became apparent they were drunk. One of them started to harass Aurora. She swore at him. And then he pushed her to the ground and into some mud. I saw red. I didn’t even think. I just reacted! I went and punched the guy in the face! I must have broken his nose because blood gushed and he fell to the ground. His buddies looked at me and decided to just pick their friend up and leave.

Aurora looked at me. She was sobbing. Covered in mud. I picked her up. Her head was against my chest and she blew her nose into my shirt. Snot was hanging from her nose. Josie opened the van door and Piper got in first and helped me get Aurora in. She has a fever. What? Piper had her hand on Aurora’s forehead and said again, she has a fever. I drove them back to the Mansion as quickly as I could. I have to admit I was concerned about Aurora… and getting out of my snot covered shirt. We were all pretty much soaked, wet, and muddied.

Once inside the Mansion, I carried Aurora to the upstairs bathroom. We all agreed that she needed a hot bath. At this point, she was pretty much out of it. She said she was cold. Piper and Josie seemed to know what they were doing getting Aurora undressed and into the hot water. I asked if they needed my help and they said we could all use maybe some soup. Great! That I could do! I went down to the kitchen which was well stocked. Found some chicken broth and decided to make some chicken noodle soup. There were chicken breasts in the freezer which I soon defrosted and cut into small chunks. I fried them in olive oil with some red-hot sauce. It would all be diluted in the broth anyway. But would add just a bit of spice that I think we all needed. Into the broth I added the chicken and some noodles and seasoned it with some salt and basil. Normally, I would also add some veggies like carrots and celery, but the broth was more important. I let it simmer.

I was just about to head back upstairs when the ladies came back down. Aurora was wearing flannel pajamas and looked worn out. Piper helped Aurora to the couch and Josie covered her in a blanket. Piper and Josie said they had to leave and could I watch over Aurora. Me? They said they had to go. Okay. Can I have a quick shower first? Yes. They would watch over Aurora while I had a shower. I was cold myself. I went back upstairs and got out of my wet and muddied clothes and snot covered shirt. I cannot believe I cooked soup like that. I got into the shower and let the hot water warm my body. Strange, I suddenly had this strong sense of déjà vu. I got cleaned up and put on some clean clothes I had brought with me for just this reason.

I went downstairs. Piper and Josie were still sitting with Aurora. They said they had found some cold medication and given it to Aurora. She was still hot though. I asked them if they were going to have some soup, but they declined saying they really had to go… and so, they left.

Okay, now what? I went and got a small bowl of soup for Aurora. I cooled it down with a little milk so it was just warm. I sat next to Aurora on the couch and tried handing her the bowl. That didn’t work. So, I spoon fed her. And she ate the entire bowl. Well, it was a small bowl. She appeared dazed. I set the bowl aside and wondered what I should do next.

Jake?

Yeah.

You hit that guy. You smashed his face.

I reckon so.

Why?

He hurt you. I could see her lip quivering.

You did it for me?

Well, you’re my friend. I then realized she may also be in shock.

Jake?

Yes.

I’m sorry I slapped you.

That’s okay. I’m sorry… I called you kiddo. I smiled. She gave me a hint of a smile back. Hey, I understand you set up that entire shoot. That was amazing work.

You really liked it?

Yeah.

Jake?

Yes. Holy, this was dragging on.

I’m sorry, Jake.

No… ahhh… what? And she leaned in … and kissed me. Her lips. They were soft. I could taste the chicken noodle soup on her breath. This is the second time she has kissed me. This one seems… more sincere? More honest? She fell over into my arms. I think she passed out. The drugs! Just like the last time she was medicated and probably didn’t know what she was doing or saying. That was somewhat of a relief. I guess.

I picked her up again and carried her upstairs to the master bedroom and got her into bed. She spoke again and said she was cold and to please not leave her. She wanted me to hold her for warmth. I sighed. Okay. I already slept with her once and nothing happened so I think I was safe this time too. I got undressed and slid in behind her. As I put my arm over her, she placed it under her flannel pajama top with my hand on her very warm fleshy chest. She held it there as she pushed herself back into me. I could feel her heart beating. I could feel her breathing. Even through the flannel pajamas, I could feel her heat. I could smell her. I could smell her hair. I could smell her sweat. I could still taste the chicken noodle soup on her breath. After she had kissed me. Her lips were so soft. I closed my eyes and drifted off.

When I awoke, she was facing me. She was breathing steadier now and her breath gently caressed my face. My hand was still on … her chest and she was no longer burning up. Her fever had subsided. I was almost tempted to stay, but thought if she woke up it would be really awkward. I rolled her over and sighing, I removed my hand. Quietly, I got dressed and went downstairs. I noticed the soup and thought I should at least leave a note for Aurora. I found a pen and a notepad. Aurora, there is still plenty of soup. You should have some more. Hope you are feeling better… s… I was going to write slappy, but that just seemed stupid. And it probably wouldn’t go over well. So, I hastily wrote something else and signed it, Jake.

Where should I leave it? So, she could easily find it? I didn’t want to wake her, but I went back upstairs anyway deciding to leave it on the night stand next to her. I found her still asleep. She was smiling. It made me smile. She must be having a nice dream. A ray of sunshine radiated her face. As I looked at her… it occurred to me how… I had taken so many photos of her and not really seen the human part of her. The vulnerability. Like at the lake when she was afraid. Afraid of white rabbits. And how I had upset her just by calling her kiddo. And then when that guy had pushed her down, she seemed more upset that I had punched him.

Anyway, I quietly left Aurora in the safety of the Mansion… and my chicken noodle soup.

Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 20

The sun was just beginning to rise and I was still running bare foot through the streets. I was headed home. I just wanted to hide. And then I realized … all my things were back at the bar. My purse, my clothing, my phone, wallet… everything. How was I going to get into my apartment? I would have to get the landlord to let me in, but she wouldn’t be up for a couple hours so I stopped running and just began to walk. I felt so alone and depleted bare foot walking in the early morning with nothing but my thoughts for company.

Did I over-react? I hope I didn’t hurt him. He will never forgive me. He probably thinks I am crazy. Maybe, I am crazy? How could a perfect night end so horribly?? Right now, I will be just happy if we are still friends.

I was almost to my apartment when I noticed Piper waiting for me. She had my belongings. I hugged and thanked her. She asked if I was alright. I nodded. Did I hurt him? She waved that off. He got what he deserved. That is why women are smarter than men. Right! We can have an emotional reaction to something stupid that they say and they are still too stupid to know what they did wrong. Piper made complete sense. But should I maybe apologize? No. Just let him wonder. You really like him, don’t you? Ahhh, no! He is annoying. And besides, we are just friends. She smiled like she knew something and said good luck with that. She hugged me again and left.

I was tired, but I ended up taking a bath anyway just to relax and warm up. The weather was definitely getting cooler. I crawled into bed naked except for Jake’s tee shirt. I liked that. I liked his smell and it seemed to comfort me. Even though I was still upset with him. I wonder if he misses his shirt or even knows where it is.

My phone was ringing. I must have dozed off. It was Ivan. What did he want? Hello. Are you alright? Yes, I’m fine. It seems like everyone is asking me that. I heard what happened. Is there something going on between you and Jake? Did he hurt you? No and no. If you say the word, he is so fired! NO! Why did you slap him? Ivan, I was exhausted from all the work I put into the shoot and I had some champagne and it was the wee hours of the morning and he said something that hurt my feelings and I was emotional and just reacted. So, I slapped him and I am super sorry I did. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. Okay? Alright, and you are sure there is nothing going on between you two? Nothing, I promise. We are just friends. And when we fuck, he cannot remember doing it!!! I didn’t say that part. Ivan told me to get some rest and said goodbye.

Jake getting fired would be like the ultimate disaster! What the hell was I thinking??? I made up my mind. That was it. No more messing with Jake. I was just going to be professional and there was going to be nothing going on between us. Absolutely nothing. And I meant it. Like 100% nothing, nada, zippo to do with that annoying man with that irritating lock of hair that hung down his forehead. God, that felt good… as I sniffed his shirt.

A couple weeks later Ivan called with the details about the next shoot. Part of me was hoping he wouldn’t call. I didn’t know how or what I would say to Jake. Anyway, he said the shoot was going to be done in the rain. I hate rain. I didn’t want to do the shoot. I didn’t want to see … and I hate rain! Snow is okay. You can brush snow off. Rain soaks into your clothes and is cold. Be professional. Right. He said the next forecast for rain we would meet at the Mansion. He didn’t really care so much about our clothes, but did suggest bringing some extra clothing for after. Great. Sometimes you just have a bad feeling.

It was about a week later and rain was in the forecast. We all met at the Mansion. I didn’t say anything to Jake and only briefly acknowledged Piper and Josie. I was in miserable mood. I don’t like being in the rain. At all. And to top it all off, I felt like I was coming down with something. I was a little light headed. There was a van in the garage and we all piled in and set off for downtown. I could hear rain drops hitting the roof of the van. I don’t think anyone was happy. Jake said he would like to get 3 separate locations at different times of the day. Great. But he did add that he would try to make quick work so we would not be out too long. At least there was that.

It was a Sunday, so, the city was fairly quiet at this time. Jake chose a fountain shot first. I felt cold and wet even before I got out of the van. In actuality, the sun was still out even when the rain started. It didn’t offer much warmth. We posed like wet kittens as the rain fell on us. Or maybe, wet beavers. Although, I have no idea how a beaver would pose. We were soon soaked through. Jake said he was finished and asked if anyone wanted some nice hot cider. We all agreed. Anything hot. The cider warmed my chest as we drove around looking for another spot. What a miserable day.

A few hours later, frustrated, Jake found a city bench. The rain was falling heavier now. Ice cold rain coming down on our heads. I started sneezing at some point. My nose started to run, but I couldn’t really wipe it in the rain. No one was really talking that much and no one really wanted to be doing this. It was the worst shoot. Again, Jake took his pics. A job was a job. We hung in there. Jake offered to get us some hot lattes. Yes, anything! Now, we drove around again. Jake put the heat on high and the van was very warm. Even wet, it was still nice. So nice, no one wanted to get out.

The final stop Jake chose was a bus stop. There were trees all around it and even though the rain had slightly lessened we were still getting wet. It was so depressing. I was sneezing more. My head was starting to get hot even in the rain. I did not want to be there! Then these three guys came walking up and were like trying to hit on us or something. I mean my nose is running. I am … fucking wet! And miserable! I told the one guy off. I cannot remember what I said exactly. Something along the lines of Go Fuck Yourself! Then, the basterd pushed me and I fell backwards onto the ground and into a puddle of mud! He laughed at me. I was in shock. And then, Jake was there. He smashed the guy’s face! He literally, smashed the guy’s face with one punch! I mean smashed! Blood flew from his nose as he hit the ground! And then I was in Jake’s arms. I think I was crying. My nose was running too and I wiped my face on Jake’s shirt. It was the only thing available. Piper was next to us and said something about a fever. I hoped she was okay. My head was aching. Jake got us all back into the van and drove back to the Mansion. I was so happy to be out of the rain and yet I was so cold!!! I couldn’t really think.

I remember someone undressing me and running me a bath. Was it Jake? I was relieved to get my muddy, wet clothes off and climb into the warm nurturing water of the bath. I was still sneezing and I was still cold. But the water was nice. Someone helped me out of the tub, dried me off, and got me into some warm pajamas. I really had no clue exactly what was going on. The cold rainy shoot was like a million hours in the past. I was led downstairs and put on the sofa and then covered with a blanket. I swallowed a couple pills with water. I just sat like a zombie. Later, I think it was Jake, fed me some soup. It tasted really good. It warmed my chest. I think it was chicken noodle… I was speaking, I think. And then, I think Jake kissed me… no. That couldn’t have happened. But he did pick me up and carried me upstairs. I was still cold. He put me on the bed and then he was beside me like we were spoons. He put his arm around me and I felt his warm hand slip under my pajama top and caress my breasts. That felt nice. We were covered up cozy. I felt his heat. I needed that. I was so cold. My feet were like ice. I enjoyed his smell… his warmth… his hand on my tits. I closed my eyes.

I was in a park. Well, not really. It was like I was hovering over the park, but it seemed normal. There were these two people walking away from me. It was a man and a woman and they were holding hands. And she was wearing a backpack with a fishing rod… and she had a camera… strange. I just kept staring at them. And even though they were walking away from me the distance remained the same… like a photograph. But it wasn’t so much what they were doing, but this overwhelming impression of acceptance and happiness. And it was odd, but I felt happy for them… it was a feeling I don’t think I have ever felt. Peaceful acceptance. I liked this dream.

I woke up feeling … good. I could not for the life of me remember what I had dreamt. Just that it was positive, I think. Jake was gone. I knew we had slept together because I could still smell him. I must have been sick. In fact, I knew I was sick. I just couldn’t remember much more than that. On the nightstand I noticed a note. It was from Jake. It was written. He had nice writing. It was for me. He had never given me anything before. I have his shirt, but I stole that. He said there was still chicken noodle soup leftover and that I should have some more. And then he wrote I hope you are feeling better Sweetie, Jake. I felt my heart skip a beat. Boy, does he know how to slap! I tried not to, but I felt a tear run down my cheek. How can you go from the worst day of your life to one of the best days of your life???

I got out of bed and went downstairs and sure enough there was chicken noodle soup still on the stove. It wasn’t chicken noodle soup out of the can. Jake had actually made me chicken noodle soup from scratch. I had to have some. I warmed some in the microwave and it tasted soooo goooood! I felt good. After, and I don’t know why, I went back upstairs and crawled into bed. I could still smell him. I looked again at the note and ran my finger over Sweetie and then ran my finger over Jake. I don’t understand or recognize … what I am feeling. I am thinking about Jake smashing that guy’s face… and picking me up… and he made me soup… chicken noodle soup… and feeding me… and carrying me to bed… and his hand on my tits… and the note he had written for me… all the things he did for me… for me. I don’t know what it means.

I close my eyes… confused. I let my dreams take me away.

Leave it to Beavers: Jake 21

Summer had ended. The trees in the city were all turning fantastic colours in preparation for Winter. I liked Fall. The Fall season brought with it a whole host of smells and new hearty foods. The first few cool nights offered relief from the summer heat and it made sleeping more pleasant.

There was a park near the city centre and with the sun still offering plenty of warmth, I took up my camera and headed out to see if I could capture some nice shots. It was a Saturday and there were parents there watching their kids play in the leaves. Couples walked by. Some even had dogs. I walked along the river’s edge and found a nice bench to sit at and enjoy my coffee. It was a beautiful day. There were people canoeing. And I took photos of everything. It made me feel alive. Like I was a witness to some fantastic event. A witness. Capturing life with a camera. Moving among people… but not really belonging. But not just people… animals as well. Geese and ducks were swimming being fed by people little bits of bread and seed. Each photo I took captured a moment that soon past. It was like I was on the outside looking in at life. Strange thoughts.

I spent a couple hours in the park before heading home. One of the nice things about doing my own pictures is that I really didn’t have to share them with anyone. Almost like I was a spy. I downloaded the pics on my laptop and looked them over. They made me smile. People just doing people things. It was really no different than my plans to photograph wild beavers in the wild. They would be pictures of them doing beaver things in their world. Not mine. I skimmed over to the folder marked DICE and started looking at the photos I had taken of the women. I remember the first time at the hotel and still being shocked at what they did. But when I was given the contract… it was like an opportunity I could not pass up. And even though I didn’t think about it, or tried not to, I considered myself just a witness. Safe behind the camera. And now, we were friends?

Ivan called and said the next shoot would be a Viking setting. The ladies would be wearing animal skins and carrying swords and he said they were already being fitted out. It would be a night setting at a corn field and there would be smokers to offer a mystical atmosphere and the women would have non-permanent tattoos all over their bodies. He said I must be getting pretty excited because there were like only four more shoots left in the contract. Yeah. Really exciting. I told him I just hope it wouldn’t be too cold out. The last time Aurora got sick from the cold rain. He said he heard about it and he even apologized. He does not want any of the ladies getting sick. He offered to have outdoor heaters placed at the shoot. That was something.

The day arrived and I drove over to the Mansion and parked in the garage. Piper, Josie and Aurora were in the garage on like fold out beds entirely naked getting artistic tattoos. They each had an artist. Naturally, I took some photos of this interesting process. Josie had a slight advantage with her large snake tattoo. I asked Aurora if she was feeling better and she just nodded and gave me a little smile. Good… that’s really good. I left it at that. After the tattoos they got into their outfits. Piper had wolf skin. Josie had deer. And Aurora had beaver skins. That was interesting. They all had small swords, bows, and even quivers. All fake of course. Just props. After she was dressed, Aurora asked if I wanted to touch her beaver fur. I laughed awkwardly and said I have felt fur before. And then I thought how stupid that sounded. Again, she just smiled. She was the strangest person I have ever met. Touch her beaver fur? Silly.

We climbed into a van and headed off to the corn field. By this time, it was early evening. And although it was somewhat cool, it was not as cold as the last time and the skies were clear. In fact, the moon was full and just beginning to advance over the corn field! How lucky was that? The smokers were hidden and soon filled the field and nearby wood line with a misty smoke. There was just enough lighting to bounce off the smoke giving an almost dreamlike scene. The ladies positioned themselves just slightly within the woods. And I snapped photos of them emerging into the field sometimes carrying their bows and sometimes carrying their swords. It could have been Halloween it was so magical. Like a fantasy. Their animal skins barely covered them. They did a wide variety of poses. Enchanting poses. The moon was like right above them and the stars radiated with light. It was intense and I snapped and snapped.

They took a brief break and warmed up by the heaters. Their bodies began to glisten with sweat and they had a bottle of fake blood that they added to their bodies. Wow! And then, they were back at it. They even did fake battle poses. I laughed. It was just so incredible. It was almost like this was who they really were. Something out of a dream … or a nightmare. And it was soon over. Just as quickly as it had started. Moments now captured by my camera. There was a station set up near the heaters where the women could wash themselves off a bit. All the assistants began packing up and everyone shook hands. It had been a very successful shoot.

We piled back into the van to head back to the Mansion. I felt good and didn’t really want the night to end. I asked them if they wanted to go out for pizza and beer. They loved the idea! They had all brought a change of clothes… just in case, and got out of their animal skins. Strange, how seeing them naked just became routine… for me. Not that I stared. They were still covered in fake tattoos, but that was okay.

I found a local pizzeria… no, not the one I had worked at with the vegan named… something. We took a booth and Aurora sat across from me next to Josie. We soon had pepperoni pizza and beers. Everyone was super relaxed and we talked about the shoot and even the past shoots. I said how Aurora did an amazing job on the Sensational Bar shoot. But I didn’t dwell too much on it. We were able to laugh and just enjoy each other’s company. We talked about our families. Aurora said she was an orphan at birth and adopted, but she said her parents were very nice people. I didn’t know that. I talked about growing up at Easter Bay, fishing and hunting. I then mentioned how after this last shoot there were only like 3 more shoots to go. I don’t know why I brought that up. But… we all just went quiet.

It was time to head back to the Mansion. We did have a great time. We were friends. As I drove though, it seemed like we were all lost in our thoughts. The night was over and it felt like it as I pulled into the garage of the Mansion. I put my gear into my car and turned towards the ladies. Piper gave me a hug… and then Josie… and then Aurora came up to me. On tiptoes, her arms went around my neck. I could smell her… her scent… her sweat. I could feel her warmth… her breathing… her heart beat. She whispered in my ear, thanks for everything Jake. And then she kissed my cheek. And let me go.

Hey, you guys need any help? Like getting cleaned up? All those tattoos? I don’t want to break my contract. I smiled as if that was a joke. They all shook their heads and said they were fine. Just tired from the shoot. Okay… are you sure? Yes, Jake. You can go. I climbed into my melted soft serve vanilla ice cream smelling Chevy Nova and left feeling … I don’t know what I was feeling. Lost. I guess. I drove home.

It had been a great night. A lot was accomplished. Right? And what did she mean? Thanks for everything Jake? It had this ring of finality like it was more than just a simple goodbye. After all, we had like three more shoots to go. What happens when it’s all over? Are we just going to fade from each other’s lives?

I got into my apartment and sat on the couch. Brooding. Trying to make sense… of what? Aurora’s white lace panties with the faint yellow stain were soon in my hand up to my face. They always calmed me down. I inhaled. And as I inhaled, I closed my eyes thinking of her scent… her whispering in my ear… the way she smiled… like she did when she was sleeping… her kiss… not the kiss on my cheek, but the kiss of her lips on mine… why did she kiss me?

But I am professional. The photographer. I am a witness to events. Did I cross the line when we became friends? They live in one world and I live in my world. Their world is fantasy and mine is reality. My job is to capture images of their fantasy world. To be a witness. That is what I am being paid for. It’s safer this way.

Not … to be a participant.

Halloween did eventually arrive and I went out in the early evening to capture photos of the myriad little ghosts and goblins. Trick or Treaters out gathering their supplies of candy. It seemed funny how a child’s life revolves around innocent fantasy. All their costumes and excitement and Jack-o-Lanterns and yards filled with fake zombies and graves. Creepy music flowing from some of the houses being accosted by werewolves and witches and princes and princesses. The make-believe of an event more for children than adults. An attempt to keep them innocent.

And then we grow up. Searching for some sort of mature morality. But we still have fantasies. I found mine with my passion… even maybe an obsession for photographing wild beaver in the wild.

I wonder what Aurora fantasizes about?

Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 22

I feel lost. Lost in my thoughts. Lost in my feelings. Lost in my life. My world has been turned upside down. And yet I still held onto hope. Hope for what? Jake had left me a note. And in it he had called me Sweetie. It was so unexpected. I had recently slapped him. And yet… he protected me. To do all that he did does shows some level of caring, doesn’t it? And that means he must actually have feelings for me, right? And that is where I am… lost. I don’t want him to have feelings for me! I wanted him to … want me for sex! To make him suffer… or, to make me feel good about myself… or, to make me feel in control? I don’t want to be… owned. But it felt so nice… just being liked… and cared about. Without sex. Being accepted for just being me. BUT, sex is who I am!!! These feelings are like … alien to me. Just be his friend. Right. I don’t understand just being “friends”.

And these are the lost thoughts that occupy my mind. I don’t know what I want. I think of the Animal Sex we had. So violent and so passionate. Painful. But we were in sync. We both wanted it. No. Wait. Jake didn’t know what he was doing. Yes, we came together, and yet, we were from two different worlds. And now that I think back it was always that way when we had sex. It was just me. There was no Jake. It was like the Animal Sex was the culmination … the turning point. And it was Animal Sex. But does that make us animals? And if Jake wasn’t there… then, that would make me… the only animal?

Ivan called and said the next shoot would be outside again. Great. He actually apologized for the last shoot. He had heard that I got sick. He said no more shoots in the rain. I didn’t tell him that, well, the last shoot turned out far better than expected. He said the next shoot we would be dressed up like Pix. What are Pix? Old Scottish clan tribes. They wore animal skins and carried swords and shields and bows. Sort of like Vikings. Oh, I know Vikings. I watch that show. Well, imagine yourself as Vikings then. It doesn’t really matter all that much. The shoot was going to be in some farmer’s field and at night. But he promised there would be large heaters so everyone would be kept warm. I asked if I could have a beaver skin outfit. Sure. Jake would definitely like that. I was starting to look forward to this shoot. Being a warrior princess! I liked to dress up and imagine myself as someone else. Oh, I said goodbye to Ivan and as usual, he said he would call back later with further details.

And so, he did. I met up with Piper and Josie at the Mansion. Our fitted costumes were already there. And sure enough mine was like a beaver bikini. It was nice and soft. There was a personal trainer that gave us the basics on weaponry. The weapons were just props anyway. We had our hair braided and a tattooist tattooed our entire bodies with non-permanent ink. I don’t understand the appeal of tattoos. I know Josie has a snake that winds up her leg with its head hidden by her pubic hair. That is kind of cool. I have seen the head close up! Jake showed up just as we were getting inked. He asked how I was feeling? I’m okay. I really have no clue what to say to him! He is so annoying! Well, not really. Jake took some pictures and I even managed to smile a bit. Stuck my tongue out at him. I asked him if he wanted to finger my beaver. He just laughed. I was serious! So, I laughed too.

After being fully Vikingized, we hopped in the van with our gear and adorned in animal skins and Jake drove out to the farmer’s field. It was later in the evening and there were smokers and fires and yes, space heaters too. An entire crew was set up with extra eerie like lighting. The field and the woods around it were filled with fake smoke. I wasn’t exactly looking forward to going into the woods. It was possible there might be white rabbits. But Jake was there and that was comforting. I felt protected with him around. And there was the crew.

The woods were really creepy. I gritted my teeth and we got to work. Jake taking his photos of the DICE as warrior queens. Warrior queens wearing hardly any clothing brandishing weapons they knew hardly anything about. We emerged from the woods like vicious stalking hunters who would probably scream at the site of a mouse. The smoke wrapped around our tattooed bodies and cast haunting, swirling shadows. Jake just kept snapping his photos. Lighting was hardly needed as there was a full moon above the field. We then took a little break and stood by the heaters. I could see bats flitting around in the moonlight. Someone brought out some fake blood and we applied it to our arms as if we had been in some major battle. And then we posed again in our best warrior like poses. Blood dripping from our swords. I had a lot of fun. In fact, I almost forgot that we weren’t Vikings. I didn’t even think about sex. We did expose our tattooed tits and an oily based blood was lightly sprayed on us. We even had blood dripping from our chins! We looked fierce! But it was still late Fall and even with the heaters, the air was cool. Jake finished his photos and there was a place where we could wash off most of the blood and some of the tattoos.

The crew was left to clean up. And Jake drove us back the Mansion. On our way, he asked if we wanted to go for some pizza and sodas. Yes! More time to spend with Jake! I was so caught up with being a Viking princess, the time just went by incredibly fast and I wasn’t thinking about Jake. Like at all. So, this was perfect. Jake stopped at some pizza joint and we took a booth. I sat across from Jake. I thought that was safer. Safer from what??? We ordered Hawaiian pizza and soda pops. We started telling stories of growing up. We laughed and Jake talked a lot about Easter Bay and hunting and fishing and exploring and his parents and animals … did I say he talked a lot. Oh, Piper and Josie talked too. I can’t exactly remember what they said… I told them… really, I was speaking to Jake… how I was an orphan and told them, Jake, about my adoptive parents and how they were nice and treated me well. Blablabla… I don’t remember talking that much with anyone about my life… but Jake, did seem genuinely interested… in me.

And then Jake said the strangest thing. There were only three more shoots left. And everything just stopped. We just looked at each other not saying anything. And finished our pizza and sodas… It was like a magical moment had just disappeared and was replaced by … reality.

Jake drove us all back to the Mansion. Nothing was really said. I had intended to have Jake help me get cleaned up, but for some reason I changed my mind. Even though the thought of his hands on me was very hard to resist. And if he did help me wash off the tattoos, then we would end up having sex… and somehow, that just wasn’t appealing. Jake even asked if we needed any help getting cleaned up. But we said we were fine and he could go home. And then, he asked again! Piper and Josie gave him a brief hug. And I whispered in his ear Thanks for everything Jake. And kissed his cheek. He seemed a bit disappointed. But I watched him as he drove away. What the hell was I thinking???

We went inside and soon we were in the shower washing each other. The shower was nice and hot. And I did enjoy touching Piper and Josie. They both had some nice flesh. I wasn’t really into sex though. There has to be something wrong with me? This used to be my thing! And I kissed them, and fingered them, and licked them… but it wasn’t doing anything for me! And I think they knew that. No full-on fuck mode. And why the hell wasn’t Jake here??? After all the times we have been naked together in the shower under the guise of helping us clean up, this was like the one time we could have used his help! I mean I am naked in the shower with Piper and Josie and I am thinking about Jake! But not sexually… I mean not really sexually. I just wanted… him here. God, he is so annoying! Even when he is not here!

And… there is only going to be three more shoots.

Piper and Josie ended up leaving together. I decided to stay overnight at the Mansion. By myself. This was not how my night was supposed to end. Alone. I went into the master bedroom where Jake and I… had been together. The bed seemed so empty and lifeless. I was wearing the shirt I stole from Jake. I could smell him. I got under the covers and curled up in a fetal position. It was soon all going to be over. I wanted Jake to be here with me, but I was glad he wasn’t. What was I going to do? Have I become obsessed? With Jake? And what would happen … when it was over? How was I to keep going on with my life?

I cried. I sobbed. I cried myself to sleep.

I was swimming. In a lake. The water was warm and I seemed quite buoyant. I swam easily like I was made for the water. There was a dock and I swam around it. This way and that. I guess I was exploring. I dove down into the water. This was fun. Finally, I walked out onto a beach like area. The sun was warm and it felt good. I looked up the hill and noticed a young boy watching me. Oh well. I wandered around the beach picking up things. I ended up sitting down and when I looked up the hill again, the young boy was gone. He must have found something more interesting to look at than me. I went back into the water and decided to find some adventures at another part of the lake. I swam away.