life – Badger Unfiltered

Leave it to Beavers: Jake 23

The days were getting shorter. It would soon be Winter. I was bored out of my tree. I realized that when I was delivering pizza or going to school time seemed to go by so much faster. Now, I have too much free time on my hands. And I cannot get another job because I am really on call. Never knowing when Ivan might need me. The worst part is that I have too much time to think. I start thinking about filming wild beaver in the wild and how exciting that is going to be. I have waited so long. And Spring is just around the corner. Spring is just around the corner… no more taking photos of the DICE… no more Aurora. My thoughts always come back to her! It is extremely irritating. Not much irritates me. AND that is irritating. I wonder what she is doing right now? Of course, my contract does stipulate that I cannot have any contact with any of them outside the photo sessions. So, I am just left wondering. I mean we work together so it is just normal that I think of them… right? But… I don’t really think about Piper and Josie.

I have to get out of my apartment. Clear my head. I grab my camera and without any real direction I find myself at the nearest mall. The weather is definitely cooler now so maybe I can take some photos of shoppers. Halloween has only recently ended, but just like clockwork, the stores are already pushing their Christmas sales. Christmas music plays through the speakers. Christmas lights and decorations adorn the shops. Signs entice shoppers with Christmas sales. And people buy it all up. Like some sort of Christmas magic. I never really noticed that before. But it is all just a … fantasy.

It is slightly more difficult photographing people while they are shopping as opposed to at a park. People seem more suspicious. So, the vibe was all wrong. I did get some photos, but it just wasn’t working. I sat down across from a lingerie shop… with my camera in hand. On the bench I noticed a scarf. I don’t have a scarf. I picked it up. It was soft and warm like someone had just been wearing it. Without really thinking I smelled it. Familiar? People kind of looked at me odd. Weird, how just because I was holding a camera across from a lingerie shop while smelling a scarf would get so much attention? Would they have noticed me like at the food court? I felt like saying I film women without their clothes on for a living. And what a bunch of hypocrites! Maybe, if I like had Aurora’s white lace panties with the faint yellow stain in my hand and up to my face AND my camera standing at the entrance to the lingerie shop that might have been different! Honestly, I don’t even know why I was across from the lingerie shop. A security guard came over and asked me what I was doing? I told him I was a photographer. He politely asked me to leave. I no longer belonged in the real world. Wow. So, with scarf in hand, I left.

Ivan shortly thereafter contacted me and said the Viking pics were once again great. Unfortunately, the next shoot was also going to be outside. It was the last outside shoot. The investors at StarDreamers wanted some photos of the DICE in front of a church. Not naked… of course, being cold and outside. But again, there would be heaters and some smokers. Some lighting as well. The DICE would be wearing very sensual dresses with lace hats and gloves and even lace on there high heeled shoes. He said that we, being myself and the ladies, were to meet on location. He gave me all the details I would need and being just the photographer there wasn’t many. Hard to believe it would soon be over.

A church? With the DICE? Odd, I get thrown out, well, asked to leave the mall all decorated with Christmas spirit, and now I am going to be taking photos of three very beautiful women in front of church! I cannot … begin to understand. Life at Easter Bay was so much simpler.

The day of the shoot arrived and I drove my melted soft serve vanilla ice cream smelling Chevy Nova to the church location. It was early evening. The church had an ominous appearance. In the lighting, which was already set up, it gave an impression of black and white doom. Steps led up to three individual doors. I remember something … latin… nomine patris, et filly, et spirit sankti… or something like that. Anyway, it resonated holiness. And it was cool outside even with the heaters. Fake smoke swirled around the steps. Clouds were moving in. There was snow in the forecast.

I went and greeted the ladies who were… looking incredibly beautiful. Piper was wearing a blue tight-fitting dress. Josie’s was yellow and you could just make out her tattoo snake slithering up her leg. And Aurora… she was wearing red… wow, she looked really nice. They all had black high heels … pumps… is that what they are called? I don’t know. Black lace gloves and hats with like netting that came down just past their noses. Aurora’s blonde hair was in a pony tail. And she was wearing a light red lipstick… on her … lips.

We decided to get to work. And they posed on the church steps and in front of the church doors. I took my photos. What a contrast. These beautiful women glowed with bright colour and sensuality posing in front of the hallowed ground of a bleak church. And it so worked! They were like witches or demonesses or cast aside angels! They didn’t belong and to me they seemed perfect. Almost more real. More alive. And the church became like the dead or a fantasy. The smoke swirled around the women enhancing their nymphlike appearance. And I kept snapping my camera. It wasn’t a long photo shoot. I got a lot of great photos though. We ended just as snow began to fall. The crew packed up.

Piper and Josie said they had a ride. Aurora asked if I would take her back to the Mansion. Sure. After all, it was in my contract to… do what? But I did agree to take her. I loaded up my equipment and we hopped in my car. I don’t remember ever being alone driving with Aurora. The snow was definitely coming down heavier now. I could see goose bumps on her arms so I fired up the heater and we were soon on our way in my melted soft serve vanilla ice cream smelling Chevy Nova. I wonder if she could smell it. Then I remembered the wrestling shoot with the vanilla smelling lubricant! Funny. We drove through the snow not really saying much. Even now, I am at a loss for words when it comes to Aurora. I can talk to Piper and Josie without any trouble. But with Aurora, it’s like I am worried I am going to say the wrong thing. Or maybe the right thing. She is so strange.

We made it back to the Mansion through what now looked like a heavy snowstorm. I parked in the garage and we got out. Aurora said she wanted to show me something. Okay. Did I say she was strange? She took my hand and led me inside. Her hand was so small yet mystifying. I followed her and looked at the back of her red satiny dress as it moved over her … figure. Funny how clothes can be at times more… seductive than without clothes. She led me through the Mansion and as I followed her up the stairs she looked back and smiled at me. It was a warm smile like the one she had when she was sleeping that one morning. I remembered wondering what she was dreaming about and now I am wondering… what she is smiling about now?

I wake up. I wake up in the master bed. For some reason I expected Aurora would be there. But she wasn’t. The Mansion was quiet. I could here the blizzard outside. It was late in the evening. Really late. I suppose she must have had some urgency to leave and didn’t want to wake me up. That was thoughtful. I got up and went downstairs. The Mansion reminded me of the church. Quiet and lifeless. I had never been here alone before. I decided that rather than test my car in the blizzard I would wait until morning or at least until the roads were cleared. I started up the gas fireplace and it cast eerie shadows on the walls. I found the bar and poured myself a bourbon on ice then went and sat in front of the bay window. I watched as the blizzard raged outside. I thought of a book I once read by, I think, James Joyce about the dead and snow falling on graves. It wasn’t a very interesting book. I much prefer Great Expectations. But as the snow fell and the fireplace shadows danced around the room and being alone, I couldn’t get that image of snow falling on graves from my thoughts. It was an unsettling feeling of foreboding. Unnerving. It would have been nice if Aurora was here. I might even have come up with something to say. I finished my bourbon.

I turned off the fireplace and went back upstairs. I crawled underneath the covers of the master bed. Somehow, I could smell Aurora. I liked her smell. I didn’t have her white lace panties with the faint yellow stain, but I could still smell her. I closed my eyes and let her smell fill my thoughts. I curled up in a fetal position and imagined holding her. My hand under her pajama top. She wasn’t wearing pajamas though she was wearing that satiny red dress. I could still feel her flesh and her heart beating and her breathing and the warm sweet smell of her breath… and her kiss… the softness of her lips. She kissed me. She kissed me twice. No, three times. Once on the cheek though and the first time out at the cabin when she was high on drugs. But that other time… here in the Mansion, she said she was sorry and that kiss… felt… real.

I wonder what she wanted to show me? That’s what she said. When we got out of my car. She wanted to show me something. And she led me through the Mansion as I looked at her red satiny dress moving over her… body. She smiled at me going up the stairs. She really has a nice smile. I fell asleep wondering… what did she want to show me?

I was in the black fog. It swirled around me. I could see it, but couldn’t see through it. I wasn’t a wolf this time. I was just me. I looked around. All I could see was the black fog. Out of nowhere, I thought I heard my name being called. I ran in the direction from where it came from. I yelled out, Hello! Nothing. I kept running. Frightened this time. My name was called again in the distance, but from farther away. I ran! I ran as fast I could, trying desperately to catch up. Hello!!! My heart was beating, aching… my legs were burning and all around me was the black fog. HELLO!!! Nothing. The voice was gone. I was left … standing alone… in the black fog.

Leave it to Beavers: Jake 1

A black fog surrounded me. I never heard of a black fog. It wasn’t late in the evening. But then again, I couldn’t determine the time at all. Timeless impenetrable black fog…

My name is Jacob. But everyone just calls me Jake. Except my mother when I do something wrong. Speaking of my mother, I have two great parents and I grew up homeschooled in a very rural environment in the Rocky Mountains. Needless to say, my social skills were somewhat limited. My Dad taught me how to hunt and fish. My Mom taught me how to cook and garden. To me life was normal and I guess some would describe it as quaint.

Like I said we lived in a very rural area. We had a log cabin that was located on a lake called Easter Bay. I loved fishing off the dock. Watching the sun rise and the wildlife that would meander through. There was always something to do. I think I was 8 or 9 when one morning I got up and was making my way down to the dock when I spotted a small wake in our bay. Obviously, it was some sort of animal, but I couldn’t readily identify it. It would turn in various directions. Sometimes disappearing at moments. I found a place in the grass to observe this watery creature. At first, I was just curious. What was it? It finally emerged close to the dock. I had never actually seen one, but I knew instantly what it was, a beaver. I have seen them in photos, but I never realized they were so big. And very majestic. I was now fascinated and captivated. I watched for what seemed like an enormous amount of time while it groomed its wet fur and wandered around the beach area. I didn’t want to move. I don’t know why, but I was a little unnerved. Not necessarily scared. And yet, I didn’t want to scare it away either. Strange, but I almost felt a connection.

After studying this bizarre creature for awhile, I decided to get my Dad and have him acknowledge my discovery. I slowly made my way to our cabin but unfortunately, by the time we returned the beaver was gone. He tousled my hair and smiled. He saw a little disappointment in my demeanor and told me how the locals believed that such sightings could be spirit related. Maybe the beaver was my spirit animal. And I believe that my life changed at that moment. The beaver was my spirit animal. And from that point on I became obsessed with beavers.

I studied beavers on the internet. Yes, even in a very rural Rocky Mountain environment, we had the internet. We even had a very good printer. And what did I do? I printed out photos of beavers. A lot of them. I soon had beaver shots all over my room. My Mom accepted my fascination with beavers and allowed me to order a large beaver shot that I put on my ceiling above my bed so every night I could see a wet glistening beaver staring down at me. I had great dreams. I dreamt one day I would be a naturalist studying wild beavers. One Christmas, my parents bought me a digital camera. It was one of the best gifts I ever received. Well, all my gifts I received from parents were great. But the camera was especially great. Now, I could capture my own beaver shots!

I didn’t have much luck though. I never saw that beaver again.

Time passed. I grew up or thought I did. My homeschooling ended and I attended the local high school. No, we were not completely isolated. I said I had limited social skills, but that was only in comparison to what kids had in larger cities. But still, high school was awkward at first. My grades weren’t great, but they weren’t bad either. I realized that I adapted well and that my Mom and Dad really did do a good job preparing me for high school.

I was taking a Biology class, of course I was excited to be taking this class, and our main research project was to choose an animal and present it to the class. My classmates generally took bears, mountain lions, moose, sharks even, but I was the only one that… yup, you guessed it, took the beaver! I was so excited to be able to present to my class my knowledge of the beaver! It was like a dream!

The day arrived. Presentation day. I had posters of beavers doing beaver things. I had a short video of beavers in their natural habitat. I talked about all the things beavers were famous for and what they did and how they contributed to the environment and how majestic they were and how I had beaver shots all over my room because the beaver was my spiritual animal and how I was going the be a naturalist and study and photograph wild beavers in the wild and how I loved beavers…

The class really seemed interested. At the end they even asked great and interesting questions. One student asked if beavers were always wet which I never thought about before, but I replied that beavers were at home in the water. Another student asked if I had ever tasted a beaver and I answered no and then I put it to the class if they would like to taste a beaver. Most of the boys put up their hands and even some of the girls. Then one student asked if there were actually hairless beavers. A strange question, but I don’t believe there are hairless beavers. Again, my classmates seemed very excited by my presentation. The teacher sent a couple to the principal’s office. Never understood why though. I thought everyone had a wonderful, enjoyable time. I suppose the teacher thought it was good. She gave me a B. Which I thought was appropriate. It was the highlight of my high school career. After that everyone called me BeaverMan. I mean the entire school knew who I was. It was great.

After high school, I ended up moving to the city. My Dad had purchased me an early 70s Chevy Nova that was blue in color. I say blue, but it was original blue so somewhat faded and rusty. I would have preferred a pickup truck because well, that is what I thought a naturalist would drive. I enrolled in a 2-year photography course at the local college and received student loans to cover my expenses. It was the first time I was on my own. To help out with expenses, I landed a job delivering pizzas. So that was my life at the time. Going to school and delivering pizzas. In the city. Far away from where my heart really wanted to be. In nature. Studying and photographing beavers. My obsession. Oh, it wasn’t all dismal and melancholy. I learned a lot in my courses. And I also learned a lot about people. I stayed in contact with my Mom and Dad and they always said how proud they were of me.

My courses were nearing an end. I had no clear idea of where my life was headed. Or how I would support myself. It was just an effort to stay positive. Everyday the sun would rise and it was another day closer to what I don’t know. And everyday I became more and more depressed. A sinking feeling like being lost at sea or just lost. I wondered if beavers felt this way.

I decided to put up a flyer advertising my skills as a photographer. I even advertised on the internet. I was desperate. The walls were definitely closing in. Delivering pizzas helped, but that was not financially sustainable. Sometimes I wished I was back home on the dock fishing.

Time passed and nothing. I was considering moving back home in disgrace and failure. It was that bad. Depression, depression, depression.

Then I received a call or message… I can’t remember which. From an Ivan Jakovski. He asked if I was interested in doing some photographic work for him. He was in advertising and marketing and worked for a company called Upper Advertising. Never heard of it, but who cares! I couldn’t believe it! A lifeline! Of course, I agreed. I would have agreed to anything. Ivan said that the first session would be a test run, but if everything went okay, I would be contracted for about a year. This was like the best ever! I asked what the project was, but he just said everything would be explained on site and just to bring my equipment. A little mysterious, but I was desperate.

I was given instructions to go to a certain hotel, at a certain room number, at a certain time… all of which is irrelevant. I don’t remember ever being in a hotel. I think I may have delivered a couple pizzas to motels, but never hotels. Anyway, the hotel was very ritzy. The people there were… well, not the kind I think would be at home in the woods. So, I wandered through them feeling very out of place and made my way to the elevator which took me to the designated floor. Walked to the room number given to me and knocked.

A young woman answered. An attractive young woman. She asked my what I wanted. As if, I shouldn’t be there or something. I said I was told to show up here and that I was to do some photographic work. She asked if I was Jake. I said yes and she let me in. She wasn’t alone. There were two other women, again, young and very attractive women. I took off my hiking boots and made my way into the room. The room was huge. Huge bed. Huge couch. Huge kitchen. It even had a kitchen! The bathroom was huge. Huge glass shower with no curtains. I never imagined such a place. So, the room was one thing that blew my mind. Amazing just being there.

The ladies, and I know I called them women, but these were definitely ladies or so I assumed at the time, introduced themselves as Josie, Piper, and Aurora. Interesting names. Still at a loss as to what I was supposed to be doing or photographing.

Josie and Piper were wearing dresses and sitting on the sofa. I should say the dresses were very … um… not there. Josie had dark brown wavy hair and what I believe was a tattoo of a snake winding around her left leg that disappeared into her dress. Piper had wavy hair as well, but it was blond. And Piper was well, of the three very, how should I put this… well built, I guess. I mean they were all like put together. Just Piper seemed to be more … gifted. Aurora seemed out of place. She had shoulder length sandy coloured hair and was wearing ripped jeans. A fashion statement, I guess. Some sort of t-shirt, but what really stood out was she was wearing sunglasses. I received this overwhelming impression that Aurora was like the defacto leader of this group of young ladies. There was an assertion about her demeanor. Although they were all sitting down, I could tell Aurora was shorter and more petite, but that didn’t take away from the allure and strange power that seemed to emanate from her whole persona. I have never been in the company of such attractive women before.

Anyway, my assessment was a quick one. A flash really.

We talked briefly. Well, mainly I talked. It was like I was in an interview or something. I told them where I came from and how I was interested in photography and how I wanted to photograph wild beavers in the wild, they appeared amused by this, and I told them how the beaver was my spiritual animal and how I had beaver shots all over my room where I grew up with a bit beaver shot on my ceiling that I would stare at before going to sleep. I think I was rambling a bit, but I also might have been a little unsettled. I drank a lot of water. Finally, I asked what I would be shooting.

They said that I would be shooting them. Okay. What does that mean? They explained to me that I would be taking pictures of them in lingerie. That is how they said it. In lingerie. In other words, in their underwear. Okay… my mental processes were like attempting to what… process this. I have to say they were very respectful while I was … processing. I took a deep breath. I don’t know why I took a deep breath. Maybe, because I had been unintentionally holding my breath for awhile or longer. I don’t know. Okay. I think I said okay a few times. I knew I was going to be taking a few deep breaths. I looked at all of them again and tried not to think about what I was going to do. Focus. I need a job. I was a photographer. Be professional. I nodded and said okay again.

I picked up my camera bag and focused on what lens I was going to use, angles, lighting and general photography stuff. The ladies got up and began taking off their clothes. Okay. I attempted to be nonchalant. I mean wow. They were… wow. They weren’t just taking off their clothes to there like underwear. They were putting on new underwear! I remember jumping off the dock into the cold waters of Easter Bay and the first jump was like a shock of cold. This was like that. I saw everything. Deep breath. And then I got to work. And they were very professional like this was an everyday thing. I would soon learn it was, in fact, an everyday thing!

They posed individually on the huge couch, the huge bed, the huge bathroom. Their poses were well thought out and all I really had to do was take the photos. I couldn’t do anything else! I was totally out of my element like in a HUGE way! They posed individually, in pairs, yes in pairs, and even altogether. And to be clear, they didn’t just pose in one set of underwear, which they described as lingerie, but multiple sets. Let me put it this way. I have never seen so much female flesh. EVER! But I was okay. I stayed safe behind my lens. Trying to maintain a professional attitude. They were my subjects. It wasn’t easy. But I still wanted to generate or capture nice images.

So…, Piper is on the bed and Aurora joins her. I am thinking just another pose, right? But this time Aurora leans in and kisses Piper. Like with tongue. Aurora then put her hand… in Piper’s … panties. And she is like moving her fingers. I mean Aurora is moving her fingers in Piper’s panties because I can see them. At this point I stopped taking photos. Then Josie is behind Aurora and pulling down Aurora’s panties and sticks her face between … Then Aurora looks at me somewhat annoyed and tells me to keep shooting because clearly, I was stunned by what I was seeing. I mean underwear photos were one thing, but this was something else. Was this even legal? I kept shooting.

I cannot begin to describe what happened next. There was soon no more underwear or lingerie. Obviously, these ladies were very, very familiar with each other. It was a flesh storm. Tongues, fingers, toes were all over the place and all over their places. Piper was lying on the bed with her legs spread. Josie was sitting on Piper’s … like head. Aurora had her face, and was directing me to photograph her as her face was down between Piper’s legs and she used… her tongue on… oh my god. It just kept going on and on and THEY were on and on. Flesh and flesh and wetness. They started sweating. Their hair and hairs were all wet. Like I mean really sweating wet. Aurora was only wearing sunglasses. Did I mention that Aurora has armpit hair? I always thought women shaved their armpits. And her armpit hair was even wet! I mean they were all wet and sweating and I don’t know what other fluids were mixed into their sweat. And spit! They were like spitting on each other. There was a smell of sweat and spit and … How could there not be??? But it wasn’t just sweat. A smell that I really couldn’t identify. The moans and shrieks filled my ears and yet I continued filming. Aurora said some of the most nasty and profane things. I never heard anyone talk like Aurora. She was like a heated animal. They all were really, but Aurora stood out as even more aggressive than Piper or Josie.

I don’t know how long this went on. It was all just a blur of flesh and moans and smells… Finally, though, it subsided and they crashed. Like a physical and mental exhaustion crash. Even I was exhausted! I took advantage of the situation and packed up my things. The last thing I wanted was for them to wake up. I felt I did my job. I grabbed my hiking boots and snuck out of the room. It was in the elevator where I put my boots on. I know I got to my car and was able to drive home. I remember sitting on my couch and just wondering what I had just experienced. Later, I briefly reviewed the photos before sending them by email to Ivan. Days later, I was still disconcerted about what I had experienced. Part of me felt I cannot do that again. Or even if I did a good job. It was an absolutely shocking experience. I thought of my Mom and Dad and came to the conclusion that this may not be for me. Ivan contacted me and said the photos were incredible and that all the ladies said I was great and respectful. They said they never had a chance to properly say goodbye and were sorry about that. They wanted to work with me again. Still… I was uncertain. Ivan then sent me an e-transfer for my pay. Wow. It was more money than I would make in a whole month! He then said he was in the process of writing up a contract and that he would send it to me as soon as it was available.

How could I turn this down???

Leave it to Beavers: Jake 15

I decided to head home. I am not even sure why. Maybe I missed Easter Bay. The time at the log cabin in the mountains with the DICE was just not enough. Maybe I just needed to see my parents and reconnect. But honestly, I don’t know. After, the fiasco of the last shoot, which didn’t end up being a vacation at all, something in me just didn’t feel quite right. Like I was lost.

I hopped in my soft serve melted vanilla ice cream smelling Chevy Nova and headed home to Easter Bay. Maybe I just needed direction because as soon as I left the city, I was already feeling better. More at ease. Less irritated even though for the life of me I had no idea why I would be irritated. A few hours later I was pulling down the driveway to my home. Easter Bay was beautiful and a welcoming site. Mom came running out surprised to see me. I guess I should have called, but I didn’t think of it. The first thing she asked was if anything was wrong. No. I’m fine. I just wanted to get away from the city. She just nodded like she knew something I didn’t, oh okay.

It didn’t take me long to get settled into my old room that was still decorated with all my beaver shots. It was early afternoon and Dad asked if I wanted to do some fishing. Yes! Being out in the boat with Dad was just so tranquil. I could just focus on the sounds and the smells of the lake. I didn’t take my camera which was unusual. You never know what you can capture in a moment. We were soon on the lake anchored at one of our favorite fishing holes. It was warm and the sun felt nice. I was wearing sunglasses. Dad mentioned that I had forgot my camera. I just nodded. Is everything okay? Why would he ask that? Yes, Dad. Everything is fine. He just nodded. We didn’t catch anything and he said we should call it a day.

Mom had cooked meat loaf with gravy and veggies for supper. I loved my Mom’s meat loaf! We sat down at the kitchen table as we had done so many times before. I found myself playing with my food not thinking of anything really. My Mom asked how the job was going? It’s fine. Like I could really tell her I photograph naked women doing things to each other. Dad asked how the car was running? It’s fine. Like I could explain how it smells of soft serve melted vanilla ice cream because these women were … eating it and licking each other in the back seat! They then talked between themselves. I didn’t quite finish all my supper before I asked to be excused. Mom asked if I was feeling okay? I am just a little tired. Holy! What is their problem?

I went to my room and laid down on my old comfortable bed staring up at the large beaver shot on the ceiling. However, I wasn’t thinking about beavers. Strange, I was thinking about how I wish I had brought the white lace panties with the faint yellow stain. I enjoy smelling them. Aurora had worn them. She was so strange. She never wore jewelry or perfume. She did have a nice smell to her. Even without the white lace panties with the faint yellow stain, I could still smell her scent. Her hair. Yes, she didn’t shave her armpits! All women shave their armpits. But not Aurora. Her smell when I was lying next to her in the log cabin. Her warmth. Her heart beating. My feet had this peculiar sensation as if they were being poked by toothpicks! Strange. She was strange. I only slept with her because Piper and Josie had insisted. It was just to protect her from hurting herself. She was so drugged up thinking about white rabbits. She even kissed me she was so out of it. Her lips. She was strange. We had nothing in common.

I stayed at Easter Bay a couple more days even though I wanted to leave like right away. I tried my best to act normal and avoid any further concerns from Mom and Dad. As strange as it might seem considering how I was looking forward to coming home, I was even more relieved to be heading back to the city. I was looking forward to getting back to work. I was hoping Aurora was doing okay. I found that strange because, other than work, I had no real interest in Aurora.

Soon thereafter, Ivan called. I apologized for the last set of photos, but he said they were great. They were, as he put it, hilarious. He was amazed at how we all worked so well together. He also added it was after all supposed to be a type of vacation. I was baffled. Not what I was expecting. Actually, I didn’t know what to expect. The next assignment was relatively simple. It would involve motorcycles and the DICE would be fitted out in racing leathers. Each member would have an individual set and then there would be a team set. The leathers would all be custom made. I asked if he, or the ladies, needed me to help with their fittings. Nope. Damn. Their measurements were on file. The bikes would be set up ahead of time in the garage at the Mansion so all I had to do was show up and take my shots. I could coordinate the photos, as usual, with the ladies.

I didn’t have much to do so in the mean time I went and rented a copy of The Holy Grail. I guess I wanted to see what had freaked Aurora out. It was actually a comedy. That kind of surprised me. Unfortunately, I was never a big fan of English humor. Just silly nonsense. I mean pretending to ride horses by clapping coconuts together! Stupid. But for Aurora, I watched it anyway. And there was a white rabbit that flew through the air and bit the heads off of some knights. And it was bloody so I can understand how Aurora had an issue with white rabbits. She just didn’t seem to be one who would be freaked out about anything.

The day of the shoot arrived finally. I drove my soft serve melted vanilla ice cream smelling car over to the Mansion. Sure enough, the bikes were in one of the stalls. The stall had been completely painted white for the background. The bikes were all Ducatis and of different colours. Really nice bikes. I road dirt bikes and Quads growing up, but never saw the use of a sport bike. But they were still nice. Piper and Josie were already there getting into their leather outfits. Piper was in red and Josie had a blue outfit. Made sense. The bikes were red, white, and blue. The leather was pretty tight so I did my best to help them get dressed up. They were also wearing underwear that matched their outfits. They had helmets, gloves, biker boots, jackets, and of course pants. Their jackets had DICE over the left part of their chest. They both laughed as I did my best to get their pants on. Aurora showed up just about that time. It was nice to see her and I asked how she was doing. She said fine. I left it at that. I asked her if she needed help getting her suit on. She said she could manage. She is so strange.

I first took individual shots of Piper and Josie on their bikes. There was no actual riding. They just posed. Then they posed with their jackets off, pants off, helmets off, and finally everything was off. Flesh hung all over the bikes. All this time, I kept a vigilant eye on Aurora getting dressed in her white leathers. She was also wearing white lace panties and I couldn’t help but think of the white lace panties with the faint yellow stain that I still had. Aurora posed just as the other two ladies had, but there seemed to be an almost negative like energy coming from her. Like she was angry. It was strange, but so was she. She smiled and all that, but something was off.

They all got dressed up again and posed for group photos. The white background, the beautiful Ducatis, and the women in leathers made for vivid images that were nothing less than spectacular. Then their clothes started coming off and then… well their tongues and legs and flesh… began doing what they usually do and I just kept snapping. I mean this was just normal to me now. Afterwards, Piper and Josie went to go get washed up. Aurora however, wanted some more personal pics. She almost like aggressively insisted. Okay. I thought she was going to get dressed again, but no, she just began doing things to herself. Spreading her legs and lying on her bike… moaning. She was actually moaning. Rubbing herself on the leather seat. Then she was bending over the bike with her hand between… and her fingers… anyway, I took her photos until she said she was done. She is really strange. And sweaty.

I started putting my camera away and she said what are you doing? I am just getting ready to leave. Ah, I don’t think so mister. Oh, right. I am sweaty and smelly and it is your job to clean me up. Okay, now she seemed like upset about something. Are you alright? She gritted her teeth! What was up with this strange woman??? Come with me! Okay. So, I followed her into the Mansion. And up the stairs.

I woke up lying on my back in the master bed. Aurora’s head was on my chest. Drooling. Her hair was all matted across her face and neck. It was nighttime. There was a strong smell of sweat in the air. Piper and Josie were asleep on the other side of the bed. I slid out and tried to get to my feet, but I almost fell over. My legs were like rubber and I felt like I had run a marathon. My lip hurt and I could taste blood. What happened? I must have had a major seizure and the women took care of me. Lucky to have them as friends. My earlobes even hurt.

I weakly made my way to my car. I don’t have any clue how I got home. I just remember flopping onto my bed absolutely exhausted.

I was surrounded by that black fog. Except I was a wolf and I was running as fast as I could through the black fog. My canine sense of smell was powerful and I picked up a scent far off in the distance. I raced towards it amazed at how fast I could run. The scent was getting closer. I was hungry for it. I wanted to discover what it was. And then, it was gone and I felt incredible disappointment. But then off in another direction, it was back. And I raced towards it… running… through the black fog.

Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 16

I really wanted to be alone, but I was very grateful that Piper and Josie stayed with me for an extra day at the Mansion. They wanted to make sure I recovered from the muscle relaxers enough that I could look after myself. I ended up staying at the Mansion an extra day by myself. I was extremely embarrassed about my behaviour at the cabin. I am not normally like that, but it was all Jake’s fault. Well, somehow, he had to be the blame. He was so annoying.

I decided to go home and see my parents. I don’t know why. Maybe just to clear my head. My Dad was off somewhere flying planes, but my Mom was home. She was surprised to see me. She gave me a motherly hug and it felt nice to be home. Then we sat down and she started talking about her job at the hospital and in the ICU and I really had no interest. She paused and asked if anything was wrong? No. Nothing’s wrong. Why would she ask that? So, she started back talking about her job and Dad and the house and politics and nothing I really wanted to hear. The thing is my Mom knew what I did for a living. She just didn’t want to talk about it. I think I made her feel uncomfortable. Even though she would never say so. It was a mistake coming home. It was a nice visit, but I made up some excuse for leaving. If anything, it got my mind off of Jake for a couple hours.

Irritably, I went back to my apartment and watered my plants. I don’t know why I was irritated. I do know why I was irritated. I haven’t had sex in over a month and I won’t be seeing Jake for almost another month! Sex for so long has been like my drug! I enjoy it. I feel empowered by it. I can easily go have sex with someone or I have enough sex toys that I could masturbate, but … it’s just not what I WANT! I think I am going crazy. Jake, Jake, Jake. JAKE, JAKE, JAKE!!! I want to smash his face! Just tackle him to the ground and start smashing his face into pulp! No, I don’t. Maybe just one good smash! I wouldn’t do that. What is wrong with me??? He’s too strong anyway. He has nice muscles. The way he picked me up and carried me from the lake. And, of course, I know all his other muscles very well. I know his smell. His taste. The way he touches me. And, I also know he doesn’t remember any of it!!!! AARRRRRRRRRRR!!!

I go to bed wearing his shirt. It smells of Jake’s manly scent. It comforts me and helps me drift off to sleep. I just need a nice relaxing sleep.

I find myself in a courtroom. Piper is the judge. Josie is typing away on some machine that I have no idea what it does. They are both naked. I am naked. Jake is standing in front of the judge naked with a hard on. This is all so bizarre. Piper asks me why we are here? Good question. Well, it is your dream, Aurora. Right. Now I get it. Jake must be punished, Judge Piper. For what? He cannot remember us having sex! I didn’t know that was a crime. Well, it should be, your honor. Ask him if he remembers. Piper asks Jake, but he doesn’t say anything. You see! He is an absolute annoying idiot! And what is worse, he has this beautiful cock! Look at it, your honor. Yes, I know. We have all sucked on and fucked his cock. But the court still does not know what you want. This is your dream. Alright, at the cabin we slept together. Yes, I was on drugs, but I remember that his beautiful cock was nestled against my tailbone… and well, we didn’t have sex! It is totally unfair! So, what is he guilty of? If you were on drugs, then you really couldn’t give your consent, right? No! That is just it. I say Jake is guilty of a more malicious and insidious crime: NON-CONSENTUAL NON-SEX!!! That doesn’t make any sense. I know! It is like… a psycho disorder… Non-consentual Non-Sex NONSENSE!! He is tormenting me, your honor! So, why is it so important that he knowingly has sex with you? Because, if he knows he is having sex with me and enjoys it, then I can deny him sex and torment him! I see says Judge Piper. Jake is, without knowledge, tormenting you by having sex with you that he doesn’t remember and the only reason you want him to remember is so you can torment him. Well, I don’t want to hurt him. Wait a second. This is my dream. Even if you are the judge, how can you be more logical than me? As the judge, in your dream, maybe you already know the answer to your own torment.

I woke up with a headache. I know I dreamt about something, but I can’t remember what. That happens sometimes. I don’t know why.

I try to keep myself busy, but my mind wanders to thoughts of Jake. I find myself getting more and more irritable waiting for the next photo session when I will see him again. And yet, I don’t know what, if anything, I will say to him. Hi Jake, I had a really good time at the cabin… while I was stoned out of my tree! STUPID!!! And it makes matters even worse, when he doesn’t say anything himself! That is not entirely true. He says nice things like how we all look nice and we are friends and how he enjoys working with us. He never swears either. Like what the fuck is up with that??? Who doesn’t swear… even sometimes? He is just so nice that he is ANNOYING!!! He must have some bad traits. He did fart when I slept with him that first night. Is that it?

Finally… finally… FINALLY!!! Ivan called and said the next date was set up and it would be relatively simple. Right, simple! Ivan has no clue what is going on. I have no clue what is going on! He said there would be motorcycles and the DICE would be wearing leathers and it would be in the garage of the Mansion. All I needed was the date and where to show up so I could see Jake! Why did that make me mad… or at least irritable? I don’t know. I so want to smash his face! No, not really. FUCK!

The date arrived and I was running late which is not like me! I made sure I was clean, checked my look in the mirror, made sure my sunglasses were looking good, my hair, smelled my pits, checked out my tits, made sure my pussy was smelling nice. Check, check, and check! Not that it really mattered. It was like I wanted everything to be perfect! That annoyed me too! Jake would say something stupid and irritating like I looked really nice. It made me smile thinking about that. Stupid!

I did arrive late. Jake was helping Piper and Josie into their leather outfits and they were laughing and seemed to be having a good time. Jake saw me, said hello, and that I looked really nice. I felt myself glow. Annoying. At least he didn’t mention the trip to the cabin. He asked if I needed any help getting into my leathers. No, I’m fine. When women use short answers with men, that is a clear sign of irritation. I did not want to be irritated. I actually wanted Jake to help me get dressed and touch me and run his hands all over me. He said, okay, and smiled, and then began taking photos of Piper and Josie posing on some type of sport bikes.

They were doing individual shots and although Jake, as always, was focused on his job, every now and then I noticed him glancing over at me. Good. Or maybe I just imagined it. He captured them in various forms of undress as usual. And by that time, I had gotten ready for my turn. I was in white leathers and had a white bike. I went through the same routine posing and shedding off all my clothes. I even had white panties. Intentionally. We then did a set with all of us. Dressed and undressed. Piper and Josie were kissing me and rubbing me and it felt really good, but I just… wasn’t as interested. My clit was throbbing. I couldn’t wait for the shoot to end. I wanted to get Jake upstairs! Finally, it was over and Piper and Josie went inside. I insisted that Jake take some more shots of just me. I sat on my bike grinding my cunt along its leather seat. Pinching my nipples until they ached. I then bent over the front of my bike and pulled up hard on my white lace panties. My wet pussy lips exposed. I finger fucked myself as I ran my other hand between my butt cheeks. I was so fucking horny. I wanted so badly to turn Jake on, but he just kept snapping photos.

I had enough! He was pissing me off and I felt like this negative energy. I told him I was finished. He said okay. ANNOYING!!! He started to pack up his camera. What are you doing??? Just getting ready to leave. Oh no, you are not! You are so not finished with me! And I turned and headed inside. He had to follow me. I knew he was following me. He better fucking be following me!

And up the stairs we went. And into the master bathroom. He was already starting to take his clothes off! It’s like that dog that starts salivating when the bell is rung! I looked at him and his cock… his oh so beautiful cock was already hard! I so wanted to get on my knees and start sucking on it. Slip it into my mouth and feel its heat. But instead, I said what are you going to do with that? He just looked at me. Hello! And I slapped him. HELLO! Anybody in there? I grabbed his cock. It was so hot and felt so good. The head was so swollen. As it should be. We haven’t fucked in like 2 months! I said WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THIS???!!! That stupid look again! I slapped him again! And then his eyes took on this fierce look. What did I just do?

He picked me up and kissed me hard! FUCK YOU JAKE! As I kissed him back driving my tongue into his mouth. He carried me into the shower. My legs automatically wrapped around his waist. I was hanging on. My arms on his shoulders. He slammed me up against the shower wall. Somehow, he turned the water on. I gasped as ice cold water hit my body! Then it turned really hot! I was yelling at him! MOTHERFUCKER!!! ASSHOLE SON OF A BITCH!!! He rammed his cock into my cunt! My head went back! It took my breath away and then… he started fucking me. But it wasn’t just a nice easy fuck. He was fucking pounding me!!! It was like a piston and all I could think was thank God I was so fucking wet! I screamed! FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUUUUUUCCCCCKKKK YOOOOUUUUUU!!! But he didn’t stop. He just kept on pounding. I slapped him. He slapped me back! I was pinned. I pulled his chest hair. He pinched my nipples! I bit down on his earlobe. He growled and I growled back! Our mouths met. I snapped at him and he grabbed my face and kissed me hard again.

He carried me out of the shower towards the bedroom. I was screaming the whole time and I don’t know why. He couldn’t fuck me and walk and so I had to bounce up and down on his beautiful cock!!! YOU FUCKING PRICK!!! I yelled and I SCREAMED!!! I was losing my mind. The intensity! The FUCKING INTENSITY!!! At first, I didn’t notice, because I was too busy, but Piper and Josie were already on the bed when Jake and I collapsed onto it. I gasped again, as the weight of our fall drove his cock even deeper inside me. He hit my G!!!! HOLY FUCK!!! He started hammering me again! This is insane!!! I have totally lost my mind. How does he know how to FUCK like this???!!! Still fucking me, he flips me over, drives my head into the mattress and, without missing a beat, begins thrusting from behind! I mean… how?? I was like a rag doll in his clutches! I can do this… I can do this… any moment, he will blow his load. And he pulls out… here he comes and he does! BAMMMMMM!!!! No, he doesn’t cum CUM. His cock drives right into my ASS!!! FUCK YOU!!! And now, he is doing a piston job on my butthole and it fucking hurts!!! What are you doing to me you FUCKER??? His hands grasp my butt cheeks. I cannot escape him. I don’t want to escape him. We are so wet from the shower and from our sweat… I can barely breath… I cannot think. I am being split in two and as much as it hurts every part of my body is on fire with pleasure. My clit is pulsing. He grabs my ankles and it forces me flat onto the bed. My legs are like ski poles and he bites down on my feet! OWWW!!! I am flapping my arms and shaking my head yelling and screaming!! I very briefly look over and see the looks of shock on Piper and Josie. He lets go of my feet. Thank you. And then… he yanks me up by my hair! OWWW!!! FUCK YOU JAKE!!! He is still fucking my ass, but now one hand reaches around and pinches my nipple!!! His other hand comes around and starts finger fucking my wet cunt!!! JESUS CHRIST STOP ALREADY!!! DON’T YOU DARE FUCKING STOP!!! I feel tears on my face. We are both lathered in sweat and pussy juice and … I think there must be blood coming from my ravaged butthole… I twist and we find each other’s mouths and tongues… we growl and nash our teeth! I find his lip and I bite… I bite and I taste his blood! I am hungry!!! He pushes me back down onto the bed. I am screaming, but now my head is swinging up and down with my screams! MOTHERFUCKER!!! AHHHHHH!!!!

And then… I lose myself… I have never had an out of body experience before. I find myself rising from the bed. I see Piper and Josie staring at us in disbelief. I am surrounded by the cosmos. Have I died? Did Jake kill me with that beautiful cock in my ass? Piper and Josie seem to fade away… and I see a mare being fucked by her stallion! She is flailing her head around in distress. Then… there are two wolves… a bitch in heat being fucked by her alpha male both are growling and biting at each other. Then I see a cave with a fire and there are two hairy humans… I recognize myself pinned down by Jake and he is fucking me hard… fucking my ass. And we are clawing at one another. Spitting.

I come back to myself. I am back on the bed and Jake is still slamming my ass. Don’t stop. Please stop. Every muscle in my body quivers. I can no longer fight him. I am wrecked. I feel him pull out and salty seed splashes across my back up to my neck. I reach around and run my fingers weakly into his sperm as another jet of liquid lust splashes onto my hand. With hunger I lick his taste off my fingers as one final blast of his man honey falls across my back. He rubs it into my skin with his hands and then falls on me. I cannot breathe. His heat. I feel both our hearts beating. We are saturated and he shoves his fingers in my mouth. I have to lick them. I feel his breath on my neck. His cock finds my cunt again. My clit pulses. His weight is crushing me and I don’t care. I know I don’t have much time left… I slip…

Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 18

What time is it? I weakly open my eyes. I am lying on my stomach. I don’t think I have even moved. I still cannot move. I blink my eyes trying to focus. I turn my head and see Piper and Josie sitting by the bed looking worried. The events come back to me. My bum hurts. Piper leans in. Are you okay? Yeah. Do you want us to call the police? For what? Well, he raped you. No, he didn’t. Although, it did hurt. It also felt really good. I have never experienced sex like that before. Piper said we were like animals fucking. Yeah, animal sex. How long have I been out? About 12 hours. I am still exhausted… and sore. Can you get me a couple painkillers? Josie leaves and comes back. They raise my head, because I am still so weak, and I take the medicine. They asked if I wanted them to stay and I said no, you can go. I will be fine. Just need to rest a bit more. And I closed my eyes and went back to sleep.

It was late afternoon when I woke up again. I was still tired and weak and although, my muscles, and ass hurt, I was able to take a shower and get cleaned up. Even drying myself off was a major effort. I got dressed, called a cab and went home. It was all a blur. It wasn’t just physical exhaustion. I was also mentally depleted. I crawled into my own bed, closed my eyes and once again, I was out.

I woke up… again, and just stared at the ceiling. I was trying to process what had happened. Piper called it Animal Sex. I had heard of make-up sex, but since I was never in a relationship, I didn’t know what that was like. But Animal Sex? That was definitely the most primal unrestrained sex I have ever had. I realized that no one, or very few, could have ever had Animal Sex. I mean Jake doesn’t know what he is doing. He cannot remember having sex with me at all. I know if he did, he wouldn’t have done what he did and therefore no Animal Sex. Yes, I knew what was happening, but I was just as engaged and enraged and violent as he was. I slapped him twice and yelled at him and it literally released the beast… the animal within him. I will never slap him again. A part of me was a little frightened by him. What would he do next? Choke me? Or worse? And yet, part of me wanted to have that same Animal Sex with him. But … he wouldn’t remember. I want him to know and yet I don’t want him to know. I am confused and afraid. I don’t understand my feelings.

I was sore for almost a week. I had no sexual desires or impulses of any kind. It was like they had been ripped out leaving me ravaged by new thoughts. I had experienced sex on a level that I could only describe as the pinnacle of passion. I realized that my out of body experience had changed the way I thought of sex. It was no longer just a physical act. It was definitely spiritual. And Jake had given that to me. Opened my mind to new possibilities. I am a Spiritual Healer. I always believed that was just a fancy or more politically correct way of saying escort. Now, I wanted to connect with Jake emotionally. I knew that would leave me in a vulnerable position. I would have to become emotionally attached to him and not just physically. Did I even want that? And how? What if I failed to get through to him? I would be the one traumatized.

I decided I would have to interact with him in a way that was far more subtle. Something that he would enjoy doing, but at the same time it would have to be work related. Design a photo shoot. One that I was more involved in setting up. Now, where could that be? We already had a western cowboy themed shoot so that was out. I remember how stinky I was. Seems so crazy now. And it had absolutely no effect! Accept on maybe the animals at the ranch. What about a bar or saloon? It doesn’t have to be another western theme, but it has potential.

I called Ivan with my idea. And he loved it. He said the StarDreamers investors were just going over with him possible scenarios. He said that we could be in evening dresses photographed sitting at an old-style saloon or pub even. And it all developed from there. We both looked around the town and I discovered the Sensational Pub! It was perfect! Ivan loved it. We were both excited. And I felt anticipation that Jake would also really like it. Ivan worked with the owner and explained what he wanted and made the arrangements to come in after hours. I wanted it to be so perfect. And then I thought what about dogs. I have no idea how I came up with that, but again, I called Ivan and he said dogs, what is the point? They would be in the photos staring at us while we posed! Oh, now he understood. That would add a new dimension! He liked it and said he would get to work on the dogs. Later, he would call me back and said he worked out everything with the dogs and he also asked me, like as if this was MY project alone, about having a couple actors ignoring you while you posed with dogs looking at you. Yes! And they even have a poker room in the back so we could get some pictures there as well! Who would have realized I would have so much fun arranging a shoot? I couldn’t wait to work with Jake. He would be so impressed!

I met with Piper and Josie at the mall and I guess Ivan told them this was my project and I would pick out the evening dresses, and jewellery and shoes and fancy underwear, anything I wanted to make the saloon shoot a success. And did we go to town sparing nothing. We had our hair done. We had our nails done. We picked out fancy jewellery… that was on a loan basis that Ivan arranged. I don’t mind getting my hair done, but all the rest I would have preferred to … well, it just wasn’t me. But then, this wasn’t for me! It was for Jake. We even picked out some make-up. The things one must endure. I almost, and I repeat almost, shaved! But a line had to be drawn somewhere after all.

At the time, I didn’t exactly realize what “after hours” meant. It was going to take place in the wee hours of the morning. Which was okay because well, we really had no choice. I was so excited I arrived just as the pub was closing. I met the actors and the old man and the man playing the bartender were very professional. I met the dog trainers and their dogs and there were 3 types of dogs and I cannot remember what they were and I really didn’t care. They were just props. Piper and Josie showed up and we all got changed into our outfits. I was just sooooo excited!!!

Jake was the last to arrive and I literally flew to him in my white evening dress, high heeled shoes, red lipstick, bracelets, earrings, and necklace, and my white panties, although my white panties were covered… and okay, so I literally didn’t fly towards him. In fact, I strolled casually towards him or… I don’t know… I was just sooooo excited to see him! I pushed aside any thoughts of how annoying he was and tried to ignore that irritating lock of hair that hung down his forehead. I took his hand and introduced him to the actors and the trainers and the dogs, although I didn’t know their names, and I even re-introduced him to Piper and Josie! Just for fun. He was really impressed with the pub and the entire set up! I almost wet myself! He liked it! He liked what I had done! It takes a lot to be so creative and it was almost like a special present just for him and his camera.

And then we got to work. The DICE posed at the bar on leather stools and the dogs were lined up in front of us staring and the old man sat at the end of the bar ignoring and the fake bartender pretending to be cleaning glasses and I made suggestions on different poses and I would ask Jake what he thought about us just posing with our dresses hiked up to our waists while we bent over and the dogs looked on and he gave the thumbs up and I knew he was taking pics and he was clearly having fun and then we pulled our panties down to our knees and then we pulled them off and spread our legs while the old man continued to ignore us drinking his beer and the dogs had their tongues hanging out and then our dresses came off and we posed nude with nothing but our jewellery and high heels and Jake kept snapping pics and we were all having a lot of fun! The fake bartender poured us some champagne and we poured it onto ourselves and licked it off our bodies and the dogs were licking champagne off the floor and still Jake kept shooting. It was incredible! We then moved to the poker room and did some poses with the dogs in little gambling outfits. The idea being the DICE were naked because they lost at strip poker to some dogs! It was all in fun and the dogs, I have to admit were very well trained. Finally, we took some selfies with the others involved raising glasses in a cheer with the dogs at our feet. Of course, we put our dresses back on but no one seemed to mind.

Finally, it was over. I couldn’t believe how drained I was. I wanted to talk to Jake and get his thoughts! I hope he was proud of all my work. Everyone was getting packed up and ready to leave. I had to talk to him! And no, I didn’t fly over to him. I just walked over to him, still in my evening dress, and high heels, and red lipstick, and bracelets, and earrings, and necklace, and my white panties… although, I really tried to keep my thoughts off my panties. He was packing up his camera. Did you have fun tonight, Jake? It was amazing! It was so much fun. I mean the dogs and the old man patron. I cannot wait to see the pics. I then told him how I so wanted to be professional and involved in the shoot. I was talking to Jake! It felt so good!

And then he said it. You all did really good, kiddo. I just looked at him. I felt this boiling inside me! KIDDO??? He looked at me bewildered and said, what? I slapped him! I FUCKING SLAPPED THAT SON OF BITCH AS HARD AS I FUCKING COULD!!! I wanted to smash his face, but then I remembered the last time I slapped him and so I ran! I was out the pub door so fast. I heard the dogs howling and barking and hoped they were biting his nuts off! I ran! I didn’t know where I was running to… I just ran. Have you ever seen movies where women are running with high heels and they pause to take them off and continue running with bare feet? I always thought that was stupid. I kicked off my shoes and threw them away and continued running to where I didn’t know. I was upset and angry and he was a motherfucker and I was crying and I felt stupid and embarrassed… so I just ran.

Leave it to Beavers: Aurora 20

The sun was just beginning to rise and I was still running bare foot through the streets. I was headed home. I just wanted to hide. And then I realized … all my things were back at the bar. My purse, my clothing, my phone, wallet… everything. How was I going to get into my apartment? I would have to get the landlord to let me in, but she wouldn’t be up for a couple hours so I stopped running and just began to walk. I felt so alone and depleted bare foot walking in the early morning with nothing but my thoughts for company.

Did I over-react? I hope I didn’t hurt him. He will never forgive me. He probably thinks I am crazy. Maybe, I am crazy? How could a perfect night end so horribly?? Right now, I will be just happy if we are still friends.

I was almost to my apartment when I noticed Piper waiting for me. She had my belongings. I hugged and thanked her. She asked if I was alright. I nodded. Did I hurt him? She waved that off. He got what he deserved. That is why women are smarter than men. Right! We can have an emotional reaction to something stupid that they say and they are still too stupid to know what they did wrong. Piper made complete sense. But should I maybe apologize? No. Just let him wonder. You really like him, don’t you? Ahhh, no! He is annoying. And besides, we are just friends. She smiled like she knew something and said good luck with that. She hugged me again and left.

I was tired, but I ended up taking a bath anyway just to relax and warm up. The weather was definitely getting cooler. I crawled into bed naked except for Jake’s tee shirt. I liked that. I liked his smell and it seemed to comfort me. Even though I was still upset with him. I wonder if he misses his shirt or even knows where it is.

My phone was ringing. I must have dozed off. It was Ivan. What did he want? Hello. Are you alright? Yes, I’m fine. It seems like everyone is asking me that. I heard what happened. Is there something going on between you and Jake? Did he hurt you? No and no. If you say the word, he is so fired! NO! Why did you slap him? Ivan, I was exhausted from all the work I put into the shoot and I had some champagne and it was the wee hours of the morning and he said something that hurt my feelings and I was emotional and just reacted. So, I slapped him and I am super sorry I did. If anyone is to blame, it’s me. Okay? Alright, and you are sure there is nothing going on between you two? Nothing, I promise. We are just friends. And when we fuck, he cannot remember doing it!!! I didn’t say that part. Ivan told me to get some rest and said goodbye.

Jake getting fired would be like the ultimate disaster! What the hell was I thinking??? I made up my mind. That was it. No more messing with Jake. I was just going to be professional and there was going to be nothing going on between us. Absolutely nothing. And I meant it. Like 100% nothing, nada, zippo to do with that annoying man with that irritating lock of hair that hung down his forehead. God, that felt good… as I sniffed his shirt.

A couple weeks later Ivan called with the details about the next shoot. Part of me was hoping he wouldn’t call. I didn’t know how or what I would say to Jake. Anyway, he said the shoot was going to be done in the rain. I hate rain. I didn’t want to do the shoot. I didn’t want to see … and I hate rain! Snow is okay. You can brush snow off. Rain soaks into your clothes and is cold. Be professional. Right. He said the next forecast for rain we would meet at the Mansion. He didn’t really care so much about our clothes, but did suggest bringing some extra clothing for after. Great. Sometimes you just have a bad feeling.

It was about a week later and rain was in the forecast. We all met at the Mansion. I didn’t say anything to Jake and only briefly acknowledged Piper and Josie. I was in miserable mood. I don’t like being in the rain. At all. And to top it all off, I felt like I was coming down with something. I was a little light headed. There was a van in the garage and we all piled in and set off for downtown. I could hear rain drops hitting the roof of the van. I don’t think anyone was happy. Jake said he would like to get 3 separate locations at different times of the day. Great. But he did add that he would try to make quick work so we would not be out too long. At least there was that.

It was a Sunday, so, the city was fairly quiet at this time. Jake chose a fountain shot first. I felt cold and wet even before I got out of the van. In actuality, the sun was still out even when the rain started. It didn’t offer much warmth. We posed like wet kittens as the rain fell on us. Or maybe, wet beavers. Although, I have no idea how a beaver would pose. We were soon soaked through. Jake said he was finished and asked if anyone wanted some nice hot cider. We all agreed. Anything hot. The cider warmed my chest as we drove around looking for another spot. What a miserable day.

A few hours later, frustrated, Jake found a city bench. The rain was falling heavier now. Ice cold rain coming down on our heads. I started sneezing at some point. My nose started to run, but I couldn’t really wipe it in the rain. No one was really talking that much and no one really wanted to be doing this. It was the worst shoot. Again, Jake took his pics. A job was a job. We hung in there. Jake offered to get us some hot lattes. Yes, anything! Now, we drove around again. Jake put the heat on high and the van was very warm. Even wet, it was still nice. So nice, no one wanted to get out.

The final stop Jake chose was a bus stop. There were trees all around it and even though the rain had slightly lessened we were still getting wet. It was so depressing. I was sneezing more. My head was starting to get hot even in the rain. I did not want to be there! Then these three guys came walking up and were like trying to hit on us or something. I mean my nose is running. I am … fucking wet! And miserable! I told the one guy off. I cannot remember what I said exactly. Something along the lines of Go Fuck Yourself! Then, the basterd pushed me and I fell backwards onto the ground and into a puddle of mud! He laughed at me. I was in shock. And then, Jake was there. He smashed the guy’s face! He literally, smashed the guy’s face with one punch! I mean smashed! Blood flew from his nose as he hit the ground! And then I was in Jake’s arms. I think I was crying. My nose was running too and I wiped my face on Jake’s shirt. It was the only thing available. Piper was next to us and said something about a fever. I hoped she was okay. My head was aching. Jake got us all back into the van and drove back to the Mansion. I was so happy to be out of the rain and yet I was so cold!!! I couldn’t really think.

I remember someone undressing me and running me a bath. Was it Jake? I was relieved to get my muddy, wet clothes off and climb into the warm nurturing water of the bath. I was still sneezing and I was still cold. But the water was nice. Someone helped me out of the tub, dried me off, and got me into some warm pajamas. I really had no clue exactly what was going on. The cold rainy shoot was like a million hours in the past. I was led downstairs and put on the sofa and then covered with a blanket. I swallowed a couple pills with water. I just sat like a zombie. Later, I think it was Jake, fed me some soup. It tasted really good. It warmed my chest. I think it was chicken noodle… I was speaking, I think. And then, I think Jake kissed me… no. That couldn’t have happened. But he did pick me up and carried me upstairs. I was still cold. He put me on the bed and then he was beside me like we were spoons. He put his arm around me and I felt his warm hand slip under my pajama top and caress my breasts. That felt nice. We were covered up cozy. I felt his heat. I needed that. I was so cold. My feet were like ice. I enjoyed his smell… his warmth… his hand on my tits. I closed my eyes.

I was in a park. Well, not really. It was like I was hovering over the park, but it seemed normal. There were these two people walking away from me. It was a man and a woman and they were holding hands. And she was wearing a backpack with a fishing rod… and she had a camera… strange. I just kept staring at them. And even though they were walking away from me the distance remained the same… like a photograph. But it wasn’t so much what they were doing, but this overwhelming impression of acceptance and happiness. And it was odd, but I felt happy for them… it was a feeling I don’t think I have ever felt. Peaceful acceptance. I liked this dream.

I woke up feeling … good. I could not for the life of me remember what I had dreamt. Just that it was positive, I think. Jake was gone. I knew we had slept together because I could still smell him. I must have been sick. In fact, I knew I was sick. I just couldn’t remember much more than that. On the nightstand I noticed a note. It was from Jake. It was written. He had nice writing. It was for me. He had never given me anything before. I have his shirt, but I stole that. He said there was still chicken noodle soup leftover and that I should have some more. And then he wrote I hope you are feeling better Sweetie, Jake. I felt my heart skip a beat. Boy, does he know how to slap! I tried not to, but I felt a tear run down my cheek. How can you go from the worst day of your life to one of the best days of your life???

I got out of bed and went downstairs and sure enough there was chicken noodle soup still on the stove. It wasn’t chicken noodle soup out of the can. Jake had actually made me chicken noodle soup from scratch. I had to have some. I warmed some in the microwave and it tasted soooo goooood! I felt good. After, and I don’t know why, I went back upstairs and crawled into bed. I could still smell him. I looked again at the note and ran my finger over Sweetie and then ran my finger over Jake. I don’t understand or recognize … what I am feeling. I am thinking about Jake smashing that guy’s face… and picking me up… and he made me soup… chicken noodle soup… and feeding me… and carrying me to bed… and his hand on my tits… and the note he had written for me… all the things he did for me… for me. I don’t know what it means.

I close my eyes… confused. I let my dreams take me away.